I\'m ready
I'm both depressed and hopeful as I finally see a way to take some control of my fate. I've thought about having gastric bypass or lapband surgery for years but it frightened me and the cost was prohibitive. We live paycheck to paycheck as it is and have the 1st of 3 sons in college. Then our hospital sold and the new owners brought with them an insurance policy that covers bariatric surgery - no pre-qualifiers or anything. A world of hope opened up. Today I weigh 306lbs at 5' 4.5" and the mandatory informational seminar is day after tomorrow. I've been researching my surgical options ever since I found out about the new policy. Unfortunately my own hospital doesn't do bariatrics so my coverage is not as good as it would have been but at least at 80% coverage it becomes an option I never had before. I'm getting some resistance from my husband because we came so close to bankruptcy and are finally getting our financial feet back on the ground after a refinance. He doesn't consider this an essential expense...but he's not carrying an extra 150lbs everywhere he goes. Strap that weight to his body and I bet he'd be changing his tune really quickly! I am frightened. Frightened about what will happen if I don't do this. Frightened about what will happen if I do. I'm on the highest dose of the strongest statin yet my cholesterol is still high. My triglycerides were critical at almost 600 at one point. They're still high now but are significantly better (about 160) thanks to 3600mg of fish oil/day. At my last routine lab test my fasting blood sugar was 166. That scared me the worst. The glucose tolerance test that followed was within normal limits but every time I get my labs checked I'm closer and closer to the inevitable diagnosis of Type II Diabetes. So many people depend on me to function at a high level and every day it gets harder to do. I work fulltime 12-hour nightshifts...usually 6 in a row, this week I'm working 8. We have a farm that requires a lot of physical labor...and spring is coming soon! I have 3 sons that need so much to prepare them for the fast-approaching real world. I have an online business that requires a tremendous amount of time and energy...neither of which I have much of. Then there's the house that always seems to be a mess and I just can't face it. The physical pain of my weight is affecting my work to the point that I wonder how much longer I can be a nurse yet if I don't work fulltime+ my family will end up in bankruptcy. Bending over beds to help my patients causes my back to burn so bad it brings tears to my eyes sometimes. I come home barely able to walk because of the pain in my feet. I put my feet up to relax and become so stiff I can barely get out of the chair. The skin on my ankles and calves burns like fire from being stretched so tightly with swelling. I wake up in pain. I live in pain. I go to sleep in pain. Do I really have a choice? If I could do this surgery yesterday I would! So, I write this now to remind myself in the future why I am doing this. When those tough moments come and I wonder if I should have made this choice...I need to read this and remember how close I came to not having a life at all.
Replies
There comes a time in every woman\'s life when we have to put ourselves first. I understand your pain, both physical and otherwise. I weighed in at 329 lbs, was on insulin injections, and on and on. I felt awful. I was in terrible pain 24/7 and living on pain medication. My body could no longer tolerate all the weight it had been carrying around for so many year. It was breaking down. I was your age when I had GBP (I think I saw on your profile that you are 51). It changed my life. Not that all of a sudden every miracle I\'d ever prayed for in life came true! That doesn\'t happen...\'least not to me. But, the diabetes became manageable almost immediately, as I lost weight I was able to move without being in excruciating pain, I didn\'t sweat nearly as much, I began to take walks, my apetite was so reduced that I placed my thoughts and energies (that had been food-consumed) into other areas. I quit smoking my 2+ packs a day. I saved a few pennies here and there, and got this computer......You are no good to others if you aren\'t \"right with yourself\"! Taking care of yourself and fulfilling and meeting your needs is o.k. It will change. All of it. Weight loss changes our whole lives. Like I said, at least with me, all my hopes and dreams didn\'t come true because I lost weight, but I am now on a level playing field with the rest of the world. That\'s all I ever wanted...a \"fair fight\"...if ya know what I mean? PS: My feet and legs swelled so badly I looked like I had Elephantitis. I KNOW what you\'re going thru with this excess baggage and I KNOW how much better you\'ll feel for taking care of #1 (in case you didn\'t know that means you!
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Unfortunately only you can make the decision on whether you want your quality of life to improve. I started out at 326 lbs. My blood pressure was uncontrollable even on medication. I had congestive heart failure and my heart was enlarged. I was actually given two more years to live if I didn\'t do something. I was fortunate in that my hospitalization covered the whole surgery so I really had no excuse for not doing this. I am so glad that I did. I am down to 202 lbs and I feel great. I am off all medication. My heart has returned to normal size. I am active now and walk a mile or two every chance I get which is at least twice a week. Right now I walk at our mall. They have a walker\'s club and a marked mile inside the mall!!! When the weather gets nice, I will walk the bike trails or even bike ride. I could not do either of those things when I was so heavy.
You go for it girl. You will not believe the difference it will make in your life. And once your husband finds out what it can do for your love life, he will be on board as well!!!! My hubby is constantly chasing me around the house!!!
As a nurse you know the dangers of obesity. Here is your chance to go from obese to normal. There will be hurdles to get there and it takes a lot of control to stay there. Remember this is not a cure all but only a tool. You can gain all your weight back if you aren\'t willing to follow the regiment that is set down for you by your dietician. But I am here to tell you that I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.
You Go girl!!!!
Debbie