I'm ok but not Great

I don't feel very well. Haven't slept much or great in a few weeks now. I've been taking melatonin since Thursday night.

My eyes are bruised after the Lasik and corneas still swollen. It was worth having the surgery and I can see good now, but my eyes hurt and get tired alot. I wake up alot at night needing eye drops. I'm also really light sensitive and can't wear makeup. I don't really wear much anyway but still.

Appetite has been shit. Not eating much but lost some weight. Can't go to the gym for awhile anyway. I take vitamins and am eating pretty healthy when I do eat.

I'm really tired most of the time. I've been working on my art projects and that helps relax me, then I take breaks when I can to rest my eyes. I still feel run down tho. I've had a sore throat and mild sinus stuff a couple times. I think it's allergies, not sure. I had 3 panic attacks the day of my surgery. That also might be why I feel so tired. I'm not prone to that sort of thing.

I'm starting to think that might be why I got in such bad shape last year with my adrenal glands. I was fine until we went on vacation. I had multiple episodes during vacation where I was terrified and crying. I didn't recognize it then, but I obviously had about 6 panic attacks on vacation. Mostly fiance induced/related.

Having alot of issues with fiance lately. I shouldn't even call him that because I don't plan to marry him and I quit wearing the ring because it's cheap and looks embarrassing. I had to take him to the emergency room the night before my surgery. They said he has asthma and prescribed him a bunch of meds. Yet he still sucks frantically on that vape thing, looks like a big glass dick. He refuses to quit, even tho he says it contains no nicotine so idk what it does for him.

I've been forcing herbal tea on him since it curbs oral fixation. I told him suck on an inhaler instead. It's all over the news right now that other states are banning Vapes after vape related hospitalization and deaths. He doesn't care. I've also told him he can't do it around me, especially lately because of my eyes being sensitive and healing, but yesterday I opened the bedroom door and I couldn't see the clouds were so thick. Then he keeps me up all night coughing in my face. He was up coughing the night before my surgery then told me next morning he couldn't take me. So I had to get my brother to take me and my mom went.

Which brings me to another problem I have, which is that my brother owes me a large sum of money and he is currently jobless. I also now have alot of bills. Not sure what will happen with that.

I'm having issues with fiance's brother's baby mama. She is really clueless and I hate talking to her or any of fiance's family but we had to go down there for labor day holiday and I had to put up with her ignorant shit. Lately she has flat out told me that if my fiance and I break up he isn't allowed to come live with them.

First of all, that bitch has no say so in that, it ain't her house. Second, I guess my fiance has been asking his brother to stay there? I mean where else would it be coming from? Then she was talking about a concert we are all supposed to go to together. I totally forgot they were coming. I don't want to go at all and hadn't really thought about it. She was asking about what bands I was excited about seeing and where it was. I was like I have no idea when or where it is or who all will be there. Only 3 bands I'm interested in seeing if I even go. Then of course she goes on one of her typical "you're so weird" spiels. I would tell her how weird I think she is but I would get called racist since she is a foreigner.

Then she started talking about how drunk she is going to get and her man was discussing how to smuggle in alcohol. I'm like they sell beer there. They both told me I was stupid and that that beer is too expensive. I'm like well I wasn't planning on drinking at all, don't think alcohol mixes well with Dramamine and motion sickness. Then I had to explain that I hate concerts and usually get sick because I'm hypersensitive. I have to wear ear plugs dark glasses, and I get motion sick. Can't do crowds. More shaming and telling me I'm weird. I'm think they're the ones who are weird, it's like the whole lot of them have no senses at all which is why they have drug and alcohol problems. I also have to worry about driving home and I have to work the next day. None of them hold down jobs for very long so they can't understand not taking days off whenever I want.

I really think I'm just not going to go. It's not going to be fun with these people. I get really tired of being the only stable person in my life. One of these days I will snap and it will be scary.

Oh, in other news, baby kitty is still sneezing alot and one of her eyes has a film over it despite eye drops.

Local tavern owner has been asking me to work there evenings. Probably not going to, tho I feel bad for him not having enough help. I told my brother to go work there lol.

Fiance is being a totally useless disprespectful filthy asshole. I worked on projects yesterday in between resting my eyes. I asked him to do one load of laundry and clean the litter box. He refused to do both because he "had to watch football." I'm like oh is it time for that already? Great I get to be invisible until next summer. I can see why women cheat, I really can. I wouldn't, but I can see why that is an option. Some people you just can't get rid of and there is no reason to be ignored and disrespected when there are other people out there.

I also have successfully set up a PayPal and eBay account so I can start selling stuff. The house is overflowing. Craft show is the end of this month. Can't wait. I'm nearly ready. Just need to buy 2 more tablecloths and some party lights. The ones I had were too small.

I'm gonna get off here now.