I'm NOT OVER IT
It's been over 14 months. I don't even count anymore. I have moved forward in alot of ways. I am healed in a lot of ways. But I still think of her every few minutes AT THE least. Not in a miserable way. Sometimes in a good way. Her spirit makes me happy. Sometimes I hear a song on the radio and cry, or smile in bitterness or even happiness.
I love her still. No, I havent forgotten. I still ache for her but I'm still living. I'm wondering maybe if I'm pushing the process too fast and these horrible nightmares I have been having are a mental manifestation of the grief I won't allow my heart to feel. What can I do???
After all the cliches and the bible quotes and the comforting words she is still gone. I still went through hell beyond my wildest imagination when I knew she was gone and knew I would be giving birth to a baby who was already dead. I still held and kissed her body until she went cold.
What kind of a woman would I be if I could just walk away from that and be ok? I CAN'T! Even if I do need therapy (which I do), isn't it normal for this to be enormously traumatizing?
I don't know. I know everyone thinks I should be over it. But screw them I'm not. I will never ever ever forget, I'll carry her in my heart and on my mind always. She might not get to grow up but I will live my life partially for her because before she was born I had already devoted my life to her. I shared my body why not my world? I can just credit all the good I do to my little guardian angel.
I love you so much Sophia Grace. Most beautiful girl I have ever seen.
I love her still. No, I havent forgotten. I still ache for her but I'm still living. I'm wondering maybe if I'm pushing the process too fast and these horrible nightmares I have been having are a mental manifestation of the grief I won't allow my heart to feel. What can I do???
After all the cliches and the bible quotes and the comforting words she is still gone. I still went through hell beyond my wildest imagination when I knew she was gone and knew I would be giving birth to a baby who was already dead. I still held and kissed her body until she went cold.
What kind of a woman would I be if I could just walk away from that and be ok? I CAN'T! Even if I do need therapy (which I do), isn't it normal for this to be enormously traumatizing?
I don't know. I know everyone thinks I should be over it. But screw them I'm not. I will never ever ever forget, I'll carry her in my heart and on my mind always. She might not get to grow up but I will live my life partially for her because before she was born I had already devoted my life to her. I shared my body why not my world? I can just credit all the good I do to my little guardian angel.
I love you so much Sophia Grace. Most beautiful girl I have ever seen.
Replies
This is something that you, and I, and all of the moms in this support group will never \"get over\". I hear you though because I feel that a lot of people want me to \'move on\' and not feel sad. They just really don\'t understand. You can\'t REALLY understand unless you have been through this horrible tragedy. When I was losing Martin, I was really dumb in thinking I would be sad for a few days or weeks and then be fine. I really had absolutely no idea how difficult and horrible this kind of loss could be. It\'s heartwrenching. It\'s been about 5 weeks since I lost him and I still cry almost daily. I cried in the shower this morning and I\'m on the verge of tears right now (at work none the less). Know that you are not alone. I\'m really glad that you can think of your daughter with a smile. Sophia will live on through you fovrever.