I\'m Not Hallucinating!
Friday, March 13, 2009 - 7:10 PM My sister called last night, and we talked about the counseling session I had with my brother on Monday. I had talked with her about this before, but it seems to have become the topic of the week. My sister even spread the word to all of her family about what I told her my brother had said to me regarding being ashamed to be seen in public with me. I was questioned repeatedly about whether I was sure as to what my brother had said. I said that I was 95% sure. She wanted me to call him today and ask him directly. When I refused to do that, my sister said that she felt like doing it herself. I told her that I would rather have her stay out of it. My sister then told me that everyone in her family was upset with my brother. She said that her son-in-law likes me a lot (that was surprising to me), and thought that what my brother had said was mean and cruel. I am supposed to go to a birthday party on Sunday with my sister and all of her family. Partially because of this, I became uncomfortable with the thought of everyone sitting around a table talking about nothing other than what my brother said about me. Because of that, I decided to e-mail my brother today and try getting the whole thing straightened out. Although my brother wrote back, admitting two of the three things I had asked about, he denied having said saying that he was ashamed to be seen in public with me. I am sure that I heard him right the first time he said it, but I have no way to prove it. I have decided not to make a large issue of it at this time. I suspect that Dale and I will argue this point when I see him on Monday, but I am positive that I am right and nothing he says will make me change my mind. I am sure of what I heard, and I know for a fact that I was not hallucinating! My brother asked whether Dale had scheduled another appointment for us. I wrote back saying that he had not, but that I would notify him whenever he did. My brother also wanted to know whether I wanted to keep on having meetings with him. I said yes, adding that I thought it was a rather peculiar question for him to be asking. (I really wanted to try and put him on the spot for a change.)
Replies
\"I am supposed to go to a birthday party on Sunday with my sister and all of her family. Partially because of this, I became uncomfortable with the thought of everyone sitting around a table talking about nothing other than what my brother said about me.\"
Dude... where are your manners? You KNOW, it\'s someone\'s birthday, and anyone who wants to take away from their day is in bad form.
I already know you wouldn\'t. You\'re not built that way.
So, if the subject comes up, deflect it! Say \'it\'s _____\'s birthday so let\'s sing, open presents, talk about gerbils...\'
This scenario sounds familiar Jim. You\'ve voiced it before, I\'m sure. And what you were afraid of, I don\'t think came to pass.
You and I have a similar problem, where my Pearl Sr. talks about subjects I think don\'t belong at special occasions. So I\'ll be learning to \'deflect\' too.
IF I ever get well enough to go anywhere in the first place.
Did your brother offer a \'what he DID say\' about the third thing? (Rhetorical, don\'t answer that.) I\'m curious though.
Maybe it will still work in your favor; he\'ll know to speak more clearly - and I mean that audio AND emotional clear.
You wear hearing aids for Pete\'s sake. He can\'t be a mushmouth when you\'re trying to work on such important stuff.
Whenever you\'re uncertain about parties Jim, remember why you\'re there. Someone you care about is having a special day. Keep your focus on that. The hostess sets the tone, as does the honoree.
Hugs and Mojo
Weebs
OK, it\'s morning now...
What I meant by my comment made last night in a stupor is, when in doubt, go back to etiquette. You can never go wrong.
I mean, after all, this is a CAKE opportunity you\'re talking about!
Morning Hugs and Mojo to you.
Weebs
OH, you are a bigger person than me. I would not be able to let that go. It\'s way to hurtful. I\'d be even more hurt that nobody seems to \'remember\' it being said. I\'m seeking clarity and the murky waters of lies and denial are too frustrating for me.
I like Weeb\'s suggestions. But if others do talk to you about it, maybe that is good? Maybe you will get some closer ties with \'family\' out of this.
Hugs and more Mojo
Sam
Sam said: \"But if others do talk to you about it, maybe that is good? Maybe you will get some closer ties with \'family\' out of this. \'
Yep, that too. Just be careful to gauge how much time it takes up. If it starts to take away from the festivities, thank everyone for being so concerned and suggest talking about it another time, maybe all go out for pizza so it\'s at a neutral location.
More Hugs and Mojo
Weebs
We are going to a steakhouse for dinner. Maybe if the others get too wrapped up in talking about it, they\'ll forget about collecting my share of the bill! There\'s a happy thought to go to bed on.
You and your Weebs are quite a pair.
Gerbils...the woman had me in stitches.
She is right, though.
It IS someone\'s birthday.
It is a perfect time to nip any discussion in the bud.
Invite others to email you or call you at another time for a discussion opportunity.
Or better yet, tell em all to \" eat cake. \"
That should be relatively easy.
First and foremost...take care of yourself.
Keep it simple.
Be gentle with yourself.
After you get yourself all comfy and protected, well....THEN tell em all to eat cake.
JimK is the focus and thee only focus right now.
wow, I wish I had something wonderful to say, I only know that it would be very painful to me if someone in my family said that about me, but sometimes I have wondered if it was true at times, not neccessarily in public, but around other family members, cause I did not fit in with them really, I never did.
I do not know what you are going through, but know that it must be hard, and wish there was something I could say or do to make it all better.