"I'm not allowed to grieve"

I am already in a bad mood and I have to type everything back out because the computer froze.
Only one of my teachers knew I was pregnant. I only told her because I had high respect for her and a lot was going on.This was back in November.A few days after I told her I found out I had lost the baby. I didn't have the strength to go back and tell her I had a miscarriage.So I avoided having conversations with her. One day a couple a weeks ago she asked how I was doing and stared at my stomach(I would have been showing.) I told her I wasn't doing good and I'll have to explain it another day.( I was in front of the class)
Today she finally cornered me and asked me if I wanted to tell her what was going on.So I told her what happened.You want to know what she said? She said I could consider it a blessing because the fact  I am so young.She said that she is 31 and if that happened to her she would devastated but there is a difference between being 18 and 31 and having a miscarriage.EXCUSE ME? I wasn't expecting that.I don't know if she was intentionally being mean or she thought it was the right thing to say. I am 17 years old about to be 18. I would be 4 months pregnant. HOW DARE SOMEONE TELL ME TO GET OVER IT.HOW DARE SOMEONE TELL ME I SHOULD CONSIDER LOSING MY BABY,MY FIRST CHILD, A BLESSING.SINCE WHEN IS DEATH A BLESSING? I will NEVER consider losing my baby a blessing. I know I am young. I know it would have been hard but I would have done it. I would have done anything for my baby. I LOVE HER MORE THAN ANYTHING. It is hard enough being a teenager and having to listen to people say this. I feel so alone.There is no difference to me of being 18 or 31.It is still a horrible loss that I will NEVER forget.I still feel the pain.I feel it every second of every say. At night I just let the pain take over because I am so tired of trying to be strong during the day. I am so tired of listening to people tell me how I should feel and kept telling me that I am young and have plenty of time to have kids. No my baby wasn't planned but no way was she a mistake.She was miracle to me.She didn't deserve to die. It was not a blessing for her to die. I am so angry and offended.WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?

Replies

mrsbank329
mrsbank329

I\'m so sorry she had the balls to say that to you. That\'s horrible! I\'m 23 and I hear the same thing: \"you\'re young you have so much time!\" I just want to be like \"yes I\'m aware of my age, thanks but I still just lost 2 babies!\" Most people just don\'t know what to say. Yes, if you had no heart it will be easier for you to have a \"normal\" life without an unplanned baby. But grieving the death of a child is something no one should have to endure no matter the age, and she had no right to underestimate your pain. I AM so sorry for your loss and I AM so sorry for your pain, a pain that I know only too well. I AM always here for you if you want to talk. *hugs* be strong. You are amazing and you are loved. -claire
mrsbank329
mrsbank329

I\'m so sorry she had the balls to say that to you. That\'s horrible! I\'m 23 and I hear the same thing: \"you\'re young you have so much time!\" I just want to be like \"yes I\'m aware of my age, thanks but I still just lost 2 babies!\" Most people just don\'t know what to say. Yes, if you had no heart it will be easier for you to have a \"normal\" life without an unplanned baby. But grieving the death of a child is something no one should have to endure no matter the age, and she had no right to underestimate your pain. I AM so sorry for your loss and I AM so sorry for your pain, a pain that I know only too well. I AM always here for you if you want to talk. *hugs* be strong. You are amazing and you are loved. -claire
ash17
ash17

Thank you. I\'m still in shock she said that. I don\'t think its going to wear off anytime soon.
deleted_user
deleted_user

Some people sit on their brains all day and when they use them they wonder why their head hurts. My prayers and thoughts are with you my dear
your friend
jillb
deleted_user
deleted_user

I love you very much and am so sorry you had to deal with such an inconsiderate person ... text if you need me.
deleted_user
deleted_user

The worst things people said to me is like the things you pointed out at the end... God has a plan... Joke. Your baby wasn\'t meant to be, If he wasn\'t meant to be then WHY was he here? Best one was three days afterwards my sister told me I needed to GET OVER IT. Let me tell you sweets, it\'s nothing you can just get over... You need to work at healing form the inside out. I hope this finds you well.
deleted_user
deleted_user

Ash i\'m so sorry, i would have screamed at her!!
I lost my first baby just weeks before my 17th and didn\'t tell anyone about her (i was 7 months) but it took me 5 years to deal with the pain of losing er and finally talk to people about it.
This time we tried for so long and the first thing i heard was \'you\'re still young, there\'s plenty of time\'. The doctor doing the D&C said it to me, she told me she was 33 and still didn\'t have kids, to which i said \'That\'s your choice, this baby was mine\' but as you know i\'ve since been told i have no right to grieve and should get over it.
What a load of cr*p!! I have every right, just as you do!! Yes, you are young hun, and yes you will one day have a baby again, but no it doesn\'t help, it doesn\'t stop the pain right now and it doesn\'t make things easier, but most of all it doesn\'t mean you aren\'t allowed to grieve! The biggest trouble with losing children at a young age is that you have more time to hurt over it, more years to miss your baby.
Don\'t let anyone tell you how you can feel or what is or isn\'t a blessing to you, Grace was a blessing and always will be xx