"I'm not allowed to grieve"
I am already in a bad mood and I have to type everything back out because the computer froze.
Only one of my teachers knew I was pregnant. I only told her because I had high respect for her and a lot was going on.This was back in November.A few days after I told her I found out I had lost the baby. I didn't have the strength to go back and tell her I had a miscarriage.So I avoided having conversations with her. One day a couple a weeks ago she asked how I was doing and stared at my stomach(I would have been showing.) I told her I wasn't doing good and I'll have to explain it another day.( I was in front of the class)
Today she finally cornered me and asked me if I wanted to tell her what was going on.So I told her what happened.You want to know what she said? She said I could consider it a blessing because the fact I am so young.She said that she is 31 and if that happened to her she would devastated but there is a difference between being 18 and 31 and having a miscarriage.EXCUSE ME? I wasn't expecting that.I don't know if she was intentionally being mean or she thought it was the right thing to say. I am 17 years old about to be 18. I would be 4 months pregnant. HOW DARE SOMEONE TELL ME TO GET OVER IT.HOW DARE SOMEONE TELL ME I SHOULD CONSIDER LOSING MY BABY,MY FIRST CHILD, A BLESSING.SINCE WHEN IS DEATH A BLESSING? I will NEVER consider losing my baby a blessing. I know I am young. I know it would have been hard but I would have done it. I would have done anything for my baby. I LOVE HER MORE THAN ANYTHING. It is hard enough being a teenager and having to listen to people say this. I feel so alone.There is no difference to me of being 18 or 31.It is still a horrible loss that I will NEVER forget.I still feel the pain.I feel it every second of every say. At night I just let the pain take over because I am so tired of trying to be strong during the day. I am so tired of listening to people tell me how I should feel and kept telling me that I am young and have plenty of time to have kids. No my baby wasn't planned but no way was she a mistake.She was miracle to me.She didn't deserve to die. It was not a blessing for her to die. I am so angry and offended.WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?
Only one of my teachers knew I was pregnant. I only told her because I had high respect for her and a lot was going on.This was back in November.A few days after I told her I found out I had lost the baby. I didn't have the strength to go back and tell her I had a miscarriage.So I avoided having conversations with her. One day a couple a weeks ago she asked how I was doing and stared at my stomach(I would have been showing.) I told her I wasn't doing good and I'll have to explain it another day.( I was in front of the class)
Today she finally cornered me and asked me if I wanted to tell her what was going on.So I told her what happened.You want to know what she said? She said I could consider it a blessing because the fact I am so young.She said that she is 31 and if that happened to her she would devastated but there is a difference between being 18 and 31 and having a miscarriage.EXCUSE ME? I wasn't expecting that.I don't know if she was intentionally being mean or she thought it was the right thing to say. I am 17 years old about to be 18. I would be 4 months pregnant. HOW DARE SOMEONE TELL ME TO GET OVER IT.HOW DARE SOMEONE TELL ME I SHOULD CONSIDER LOSING MY BABY,MY FIRST CHILD, A BLESSING.SINCE WHEN IS DEATH A BLESSING? I will NEVER consider losing my baby a blessing. I know I am young. I know it would have been hard but I would have done it. I would have done anything for my baby. I LOVE HER MORE THAN ANYTHING. It is hard enough being a teenager and having to listen to people say this. I feel so alone.There is no difference to me of being 18 or 31.It is still a horrible loss that I will NEVER forget.I still feel the pain.I feel it every second of every say. At night I just let the pain take over because I am so tired of trying to be strong during the day. I am so tired of listening to people tell me how I should feel and kept telling me that I am young and have plenty of time to have kids. No my baby wasn't planned but no way was she a mistake.She was miracle to me.She didn't deserve to die. It was not a blessing for her to die. I am so angry and offended.WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?
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