I'm Not Afraid To Die...

As my late Grandpa would say, "When your loved ones die, you'll see them again when your time comes." 
But, what if my time is now? My Grandpa passed away in 2007, and he was the only person that could help me through any problem. But now, when I need him the most, he's not here. I cry myself every night because I wish that he was here. I miss him more than anything in the world. He was my best friend and the one person I was really close to in my life. I remember the times that we would drink chocolate milk, and scrape out nacho cheese out of the little container at the Air Force Museum. With my depressed mood, sometimes I wonder if I'd be better if I killed myself and was with him. That would make me feel so much better