I'm Just Sad

I am not myself! I look at myself in the mirror, and I see a person who is tired. I feel hurt, abandon (by God), lost, like a failure  confused, and many other feelings. I ask myself why am I in this situation. I am only 27. I have my whole life ahead of me, but I feel like I am being held back. I know I can not provide my children with the things to survive. I don't have a job. I depend on my husband for everything. Before I meet him, I was doing great. I didn't have any kids, I was working full-time, and I was in college. Now I am depending on him for money. When we do get a divorce. I may as well let him have the kids because I have nothing. I know it will hurt, but it has to be done.

I am tired of feeling shame because of how he treats me. He will tell anyone who will listen that he constantly flirts with other women, he makes all the money, and lots of other stuff. I have be distancing myself from me. I have a little money saved up for when I leave.

Why do I feel like I am going crazy? I don't know what to do. I don't feel like doing anything. I'm done.
I hope and pray that if there is a God he punishes him for putting me through this.