I'm just not sure anymore

Ok, here goes. Bear with me, guys, I need to let loose a lot of stuff. A lot has been going on the past few months. My mom had hand surgery in June(which I might have mentioned before, I'm not sure) and money has been tight. I'm normally a happy person, but it has been tough. Seeing my mom suffer through the pain of having  the surgery(and having to do a second one a month later), and not even being able to live paycheck to paycheck anymore, since we're only getting money in once every two weeks, has been a bit of a downer. And since the docs probably not going to be able to sign her off until she goes through physical therapy(and work doesn't allow her to work limited duty), she's probably not going back to work until January. I'm not done yet, though. In addition to going through all this, we have to go on a medical plan that charges way more than we can afford-we could go on medi-cal, but neither of us will be able to see our doctors(my mom has her doc to see, and I have my surgeon to see in a month and a bunch of other appointments) since they don't take straight medi-cal. And between all this, this makes me question why I had my surgery-it all seems like I've done it for nothing. I've lost weight, sure, but I'm just... well, not feeling too sure of myself anymore.
I keep thinking how we're not going to be having most of a christmas either because of all this. My mom couldn't wait to have the surgery, though- she was working with too much pain to go any longer than she was. And it's because of this that I feel like a terrible person, thinking of chirstmas at this time. I know that feeling is probably unfounded, but I just can't help it.
Thanks for listening, guys. I understand if no one comments on this, since you all have your own lives, but I would really appreciate some reassuring words.
love you all
Sammy