I'm just not ME anymore

I used to be that mon that rose with the sun in the morning, I had my days scheduled to the hour. My kids always had a special activity planned during the summer days, I homeschooled when school was out, my friends would tell me I got more done by 10am then they did all day. Now I am the last to wake up, I spend an hour just lying in my bed thinking about the crash and the different ways I could have changed the out come. I don't know how to move forward without Jarrett, in many ways and many years he defined who I was...with him I was super mom, always ready to come to his rescue, fight for his rights and make things the best they could be for him. There wasn't a school function I didn't attend, a doctors appointment I wasn't at, our doctor once asked me to come speak at a parenting seminar he held for families with special needs kids. I was the mom everyother mom looked up to. The mom that went out if her way to make those rare Halloween costumes just so he would be the only kid in the city to have that character, the mom who made goodies for the class and always gave presents to the teachers. I SHOULD have been able to protect him from this, it's MY JOB! How can I be that mom again for Jonny? How can I give everything to Jon, when I feel like I have nothing left? I just want my Jarrett back where he belongs....with me :(