I'm in the 7th year, 8 years of the grieving process coming up in April
Hi to All my Beautiful Mom Friends, One of my friends, Laura"Michael21" Laura is having a hard time in her 2nd year and 4 month mark. I feel so bad for her and the moms who are in the beginning stages, it breaks my heart. I cant find her here on DS FMO, I know she is on FB FMO. This morning I read her post on FB to ForMomsOnly. I shared her my experinces through the years of my pain after losing Ryan. I pray for her strength giving her positive energy and the hope she needs to know she is exactly where she is suppose to be and she will be ok..Right!!!
Why I am sharing this on DS FMO, I feel as though I haven't been on this sight much, I've realized this Group was my original group of moms who have saved my life and why aren't I sharing on here..I'm sorry I don't write much, I get lost and have a hard time catching up with what is going on, LOL. It is my ADD I Believe!! ANYWAY, I wanted to share and hopes this will help the new moms who are in their worst excruciating pain, "the 2 year 3 year Stage. That deep black hole that feels like a cannon ball went through or soul, dead center in the gut, which shattered our heart in a million pieces. How do you mend a broken heart, Wow!! I don't know other then WE have to go through it, Only US with a little help from your friends here on ForMomsOnly and FB FMO Too.. No-one who hasn't been through it don't help, trust me. Moms on regular FB, who doesn't want to be in a group of moms to share their pain and saying the same thing over and over, Regular friends on FB who haven't lost a child doesn't like hearing about our children who have died.. What can they say to us that would help us, NOTHING!! I try to get some of my mom friends to join a group our group and NOT!! Alright I'm off track here, lol.
This is my experience to Laura;
Laura You are at the worst stages right now, for me it was my 3rd yr when I felt changes, it is what we have to go through over and over again, then out of no-where something happens and you start to understand and see the difference in yourself. Each year is different and the more time you have behind you your pain won't be as deep.. It lets up more from your own experience of the grieving process..Sometimes I have spells of deep pain as if it was yesterday and if I let myself go there I get stuck until I have another break through.. I know we think we are going to have a break down, I'd rather call it a break through cuz we have no other way but through it, it sucks bad I know!! I'm in my 7th yr going into my 8th year in April. I never thought I would make it, my son Ryan was my oldest and only boy, Ryan would be 26 years old now 27 in Aug. I hate it without him, but with the years behind me I have learned how to use tools laid at my feet and pick up what ever I need to keep myself in the NOW, One day at a time for only 24 hours.. Then the next day I have to do it again every SINGLE DAY one day at a time.. If I think of the past I go crazy, if I think of tomorrow and 2 weeks from now a year from now I get SO much anxiety I can't do anything. I Promise You will be ok in this learning process of grieving Your son too. I am So sorry to see the newest moms having to get past these stages. From my experience all the moms at my stage 7, 8 years do feel the same as I do. We miss our children more Now more then ever, cuz We have been through it and have the understanding and wisdom to know the difference. Love you <3 to <3
Maybe I should put it in the discussion group so other new moms who are in their beginning stage of the grieving our Child..Love to All my best friends ever on DS ForMomsOnly, Sisters of the Heart! SOTH!! It took me a while to figure these initials, HaHaHa
XO
Kelly, Ryans mom!
Why I am sharing this on DS FMO, I feel as though I haven't been on this sight much, I've realized this Group was my original group of moms who have saved my life and why aren't I sharing on here..I'm sorry I don't write much, I get lost and have a hard time catching up with what is going on, LOL. It is my ADD I Believe!! ANYWAY, I wanted to share and hopes this will help the new moms who are in their worst excruciating pain, "the 2 year 3 year Stage. That deep black hole that feels like a cannon ball went through or soul, dead center in the gut, which shattered our heart in a million pieces. How do you mend a broken heart, Wow!! I don't know other then WE have to go through it, Only US with a little help from your friends here on ForMomsOnly and FB FMO Too.. No-one who hasn't been through it don't help, trust me. Moms on regular FB, who doesn't want to be in a group of moms to share their pain and saying the same thing over and over, Regular friends on FB who haven't lost a child doesn't like hearing about our children who have died.. What can they say to us that would help us, NOTHING!! I try to get some of my mom friends to join a group our group and NOT!! Alright I'm off track here, lol.
This is my experience to Laura;
Laura You are at the worst stages right now, for me it was my 3rd yr when I felt changes, it is what we have to go through over and over again, then out of no-where something happens and you start to understand and see the difference in yourself. Each year is different and the more time you have behind you your pain won't be as deep.. It lets up more from your own experience of the grieving process..Sometimes I have spells of deep pain as if it was yesterday and if I let myself go there I get stuck until I have another break through.. I know we think we are going to have a break down, I'd rather call it a break through cuz we have no other way but through it, it sucks bad I know!! I'm in my 7th yr going into my 8th year in April. I never thought I would make it, my son Ryan was my oldest and only boy, Ryan would be 26 years old now 27 in Aug. I hate it without him, but with the years behind me I have learned how to use tools laid at my feet and pick up what ever I need to keep myself in the NOW, One day at a time for only 24 hours.. Then the next day I have to do it again every SINGLE DAY one day at a time.. If I think of the past I go crazy, if I think of tomorrow and 2 weeks from now a year from now I get SO much anxiety I can't do anything. I Promise You will be ok in this learning process of grieving Your son too. I am So sorry to see the newest moms having to get past these stages. From my experience all the moms at my stage 7, 8 years do feel the same as I do. We miss our children more Now more then ever, cuz We have been through it and have the understanding and wisdom to know the difference. Love you <3 to <3
Maybe I should put it in the discussion group so other new moms who are in their beginning stage of the grieving our Child..Love to All my best friends ever on DS ForMomsOnly, Sisters of the Heart! SOTH!! It took me a while to figure these initials, HaHaHa
XO
Kelly, Ryans mom!
Replies
Thanks for posting this Kelly. It is such a true account of our journey.
Love and hugs,
Marlene
Kelly
I am here. I am friends with you here.
I can\'t tell you how much I appreciate your words of comfort.
I say to myself sometimes \"oh I have to go through this to get to where you and other moms are. I have been in so much pain since before Thanksgiving. I feel so messed up.
I recently changed my therapist. She is better then my last one.
I should of changed along time ago.
I can\'t get over the fact that I want him here physically. The memories are not good enough. I cry thinking of memories.
I hate where I am.
I hate feeling the way I do.
Constant sadness, it has to let up.
Not to many ups.
Again thank you for your words
My SETH
Love
Laura
My SOTH Lol
Feeling your heart and understanding everything you are describing dearest Kelly. Your words are filled with HOPE and encouragement and there is nothing that is needed more than that for a shattered and grieving heart.
You just share wherever you can and know that your thoughts matter as do YOU!
I cannot believe that it will be eight years for you, six for me... Just does not seem possible that this could be, yet it is and we are each having to learn in our own ways how to integrate this loss into living life now. Our life\'s work indeed and takes a lot of courage and energy too, doesn\'t it?
Love to you and your handsome son, Ryan, and know that I can hear your heart when I read your words and what a beautiful and caring one it IS!
You are the BEST!
Tightest of heart (((hugs)))
XO Joanie
I could not have said it better. Thanks for much for sharing. Love to you and great big hugs to you and your Ryan.
Nell
I too hurt seeing the newer moms so lost and full of pain, I too can go right back there if I let myself. Seven years of it gives us the knowledge that we are not going to die from the pain and we can make it through another day so we keep trudging along. We do have joy, we do laugh we are grateful and yet well you know, everything is forever tinged with the sadness. This journey surely takes strength and a huge heart! I love you and Ryan, you know how much so I\'ll close with I miss you!
Hi Kelly, such good and comforting journal. I am at two years and eleven months, almost three year mark. Where I am today is far and away different than that terrible night of Christopher\'s accident. The new mom\'s are in that first phase of just pure pain and heartache. This is certainly a difficult journey but it does get a little gentler. Finding FMO was a changing event for me. Just having moms who actually know how it feels and honestly share words of hope have many times pulled me through. I hope they know just how much we do care for each other and our children. Gentle hugs, Debbie
Kelly, well said. At 4 years into this journey no one wants to embark on, I agree the pain & burden gets lighter. And with our SOTHS helping we begin to feel part of the human race again. Thank you for sharing. Love to you and dearest Ryan, Linda
Thanks Kelly...you are amazing!!!You said just what I needed to hear. May 5th will be 2 years(Shell\'sangel date) and also Lindsays Birthday...it is sooo hard! I can get stuck in the WHY, WHY, WHYS!!!Love you! gretch