I\'m in misery again - WHY?

SI-punishment-misery-self blame- are they all the same???So I'm sleeping and my aunt wakes me up when the kids do something she can't handle... seven year old boy pulls down my twelve year old girls pants and underwear. His excuse was he was mad at her for trying to get him in trouble, which he did not get in trouble for anything except the act of retaliation he chose to do. I felt so good about the anesthesiologist's phone call yesterday, that I was actually proud of my self. Then work issues, then dog issues, then kids band issues, then friend issues, then, then, then, then, then what my son did twenty minuets ago was the straw that broke the camels back. I really hate myself right now. I put all of the things on me. I feel like I should be in control of all of them, they are so simple problems to most people. I do not want to punish myself, but why can't I just take things for face value and let them go, why do I overanalyze EVERYTHING and put it on me? Is misery SI to? If so I'm there again? Why can't I be happy? I do I hold a box of tools and think about hurting me on the outside to reflect the inside? I am just sitting here typing through my tears, I want to understand why so I can stop. I can't fight this demon if I do not know why.