I'm hiding in my room
We're hosting Easter brunch, part of the all day ordeal that my wife turns every holiday into. Because my mother-in-law is here I'm not allowed into the kitchen I built a few years ago. She thinks she owns it, although she's contributed nothing except 1000 complaints. She's so big she blocks most of it and I'm not allowed to reach around her if I need anything. When the food is ready I have to let her serve herself first. She's re-arranged the furniture in the dining room so we're all sitting jammed up against each other.
My head hurts really bad and I need some food in my stomach so I can take some pain killers.
I hate holidays around here.
One of my DS friends wrote and said she only had her son and her Mother left for family. Believe me, you wouldn't envy the stress that my MIL presents. She had a plan in her mind for my wife and when I came along and changed the path my young bride was supposed to take she was angry. And still is angry, 40 years later. Plus I'm the wrong religion. She'll never forgive that. According to her, an in-law is not related, and there's been nothing but hostility for 40 years. Nothing I can do will change it.
I want to tell you more of my story.
My Dad came from a large, large family, my Mom from a small family. My mom had brain damage as a child and was borderline retarded. My Dad dropped out of middle school (ok, he was kicked out) and joined the marine corps using an older brother's birth certificate. My birth certificate says he was 23, my younger sister's says 19, probably the correct age. He also endured extreme mother in law hostility and one day he set up a situation to make it look like he was killed in a fire at work, I guess so my Mom and us kids would be provided for, and totally dissapeared. My Mom remarried an extreme abuser. I spent a few years locked in a closet and those were the peaceful abuse free days. One day they left my sister and I at my Dad's Mom's house. I remember seeing them walk away down the sidewalk. But we ended up in custody of my Mom's Mom. She was another extreme abuser. It would take a lot to detail the physical and emotional abuse. Basically a beating every day driving in the words "Nobody wants you. Your Dad doesn't want you. Even your Mom doesn't want you. There must be something wrong with you." She told my Dad's family we were going on vacation but actually we moved all the way across the country. Extreme abusers like to isolate their victims.
As a young man I had so much bottled up inside of me. I was depressed all the time. I tried therapy maybe three times but wasn't able to get in touch with those inner feelings. Those defenses were strong for good reason. But I did manage to locate my Dad and his family. They accepted me back as if nothing had ever happened, as if it had really been just a short vacation, not 20 years apart. My Dad was never willing to talk about what happened. He too had his defences. I located my Mom after 40 years apart. She was much harder to talk to because of her low intellegence could not really carry on much of a conversation. She had 5 more children, 2 of them died from what was officially SIDS. But the survivors believe it was from abuse. And two pregnancies terminated by beatings. My stepfather really was a monster.
I've spent my adult life as a loner. Didn't know how to raise my kids so even though we've never been separated my wife had most of the interactions with them. Career-wise I wrote computer software, something I could do alone. And even today I'm better off in a quiet darkened room, because of migraines but also because that's where I'm most comfortable.
My head hurts really bad and I need some food in my stomach so I can take some pain killers.
I hate holidays around here.
One of my DS friends wrote and said she only had her son and her Mother left for family. Believe me, you wouldn't envy the stress that my MIL presents. She had a plan in her mind for my wife and when I came along and changed the path my young bride was supposed to take she was angry. And still is angry, 40 years later. Plus I'm the wrong religion. She'll never forgive that. According to her, an in-law is not related, and there's been nothing but hostility for 40 years. Nothing I can do will change it.
I want to tell you more of my story.
My Dad came from a large, large family, my Mom from a small family. My mom had brain damage as a child and was borderline retarded. My Dad dropped out of middle school (ok, he was kicked out) and joined the marine corps using an older brother's birth certificate. My birth certificate says he was 23, my younger sister's says 19, probably the correct age. He also endured extreme mother in law hostility and one day he set up a situation to make it look like he was killed in a fire at work, I guess so my Mom and us kids would be provided for, and totally dissapeared. My Mom remarried an extreme abuser. I spent a few years locked in a closet and those were the peaceful abuse free days. One day they left my sister and I at my Dad's Mom's house. I remember seeing them walk away down the sidewalk. But we ended up in custody of my Mom's Mom. She was another extreme abuser. It would take a lot to detail the physical and emotional abuse. Basically a beating every day driving in the words "Nobody wants you. Your Dad doesn't want you. Even your Mom doesn't want you. There must be something wrong with you." She told my Dad's family we were going on vacation but actually we moved all the way across the country. Extreme abusers like to isolate their victims.
As a young man I had so much bottled up inside of me. I was depressed all the time. I tried therapy maybe three times but wasn't able to get in touch with those inner feelings. Those defenses were strong for good reason. But I did manage to locate my Dad and his family. They accepted me back as if nothing had ever happened, as if it had really been just a short vacation, not 20 years apart. My Dad was never willing to talk about what happened. He too had his defences. I located my Mom after 40 years apart. She was much harder to talk to because of her low intellegence could not really carry on much of a conversation. She had 5 more children, 2 of them died from what was officially SIDS. But the survivors believe it was from abuse. And two pregnancies terminated by beatings. My stepfather really was a monster.
I've spent my adult life as a loner. Didn't know how to raise my kids so even though we've never been separated my wife had most of the interactions with them. Career-wise I wrote computer software, something I could do alone. And even today I'm better off in a quiet darkened room, because of migraines but also because that's where I'm most comfortable.
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