I\'m good

I'm recharged and ready for June 13.  I've done a lot of work and processed a lot of emotions.  After my breakdown from the last court date, I came to terms inside myself.  It was difficult to say the least, but the benefit is amazing.  I understand now that there is no such thing as Jon, he wasn't real.  I was his victim as was my daughter and he was a predator.  Jon is a monster in his own right.  He is not simply a victim who couldn't help but repeat a cycle of abuse.  He chose to become a predator himself, he chose to become a monster and clearly, that is what he is.  I no longer have a war going on inside me, I no longer have the emotional storms.  There's no more fighting, I've found peace in a way.  In a way.  Nothing made sense before, what I thought was so good about him, wasn't real, his actions were saying things so differently from what he spoke.  I've let it go finally.  That was hard.  The truth is that Jon sought me out because I had a daughter.  The truth is that he became everything I wanted and needed in order to eventually get to her.  The truth is, he is a monster all of his own making.  Believe it or not, but that realization has made me better.