I'm feeling very stressed and anxious

I'm also feeling allot of shame and not sure why, I do stupid things and offend my family, then they won't talk to me. When I do see them I feel all the more ashamed thinking about the stupid things I've done over the years. I think maybe they see me as the crazy uncle, but I guess I may deserve the title after all I have been in the psy ward 5 times. I'm very frustrated because I've spent allot of money and my truck still doesn't work, I'm stuck here with now way to go any where and that makes me depressed. It's shameful enough that I have to live with family because i'm too poor to get my own place. I work at a vocational rehab company and make so little that I can't even afford lunch let alone an apartment. I just wish my ssdi would come through. I plan to journal more often but it's one of those plans I'm not sure I'll follow up on but I'll try.