I'm either stupid or a saint
My ex emailed me and called me a few days ago as his car broke down in a bad way and he needed a ride to work, and was on the fence about that because my morning situation is tough. He was ok with that. The car repairs for him linger on and got more expensive. And then the flu hit him with a big wallop. He emailed me this morning, sick in bed, and asked if I could take him to get the car and have dinner and I said yes. Turns out the car is still dead in the water and he is not much more than that.
I had planned to cook dinner for us after getting the car, very low key thing. But then he calls and says I need a huge favor. Can you hit the pharmacy for me and get the drugs I need for this and get my cranberry juice and if you can bring dinner to me that would be awesome. I said yes, but it going to be a while till this gets cooked and I get that shopping done.
I presented him with a very unglamorous casserole and his needs and sat and talked for a few minutes and he was very grateful for all of that. I did not stick around long as he is ill and I have been surrounded by strep, a wicked stomach bug and pink eye this week at work. Not wise to share any of our germs.
I realized this past weekend that he and I are really the only people we have to rely on down here. We have coworkers that we can ask a favor of but when the crap hits the fan you have to have someone else. If I have a car issue, I am pretty well screwed now. Two of of my immediate coworkers do not drive. The other one does and maybe he would help me out, need to talk to him about that. But I have to be to work earlier than they do, so that's not ok. No one should have to bend to my hours when doing me a favor.
I feel good that I helped my ex out tonight, and it did not pain me. I figure it is good karma. So I am going with that feeling.
I had planned to cook dinner for us after getting the car, very low key thing. But then he calls and says I need a huge favor. Can you hit the pharmacy for me and get the drugs I need for this and get my cranberry juice and if you can bring dinner to me that would be awesome. I said yes, but it going to be a while till this gets cooked and I get that shopping done.
I presented him with a very unglamorous casserole and his needs and sat and talked for a few minutes and he was very grateful for all of that. I did not stick around long as he is ill and I have been surrounded by strep, a wicked stomach bug and pink eye this week at work. Not wise to share any of our germs.
I realized this past weekend that he and I are really the only people we have to rely on down here. We have coworkers that we can ask a favor of but when the crap hits the fan you have to have someone else. If I have a car issue, I am pretty well screwed now. Two of of my immediate coworkers do not drive. The other one does and maybe he would help me out, need to talk to him about that. But I have to be to work earlier than they do, so that's not ok. No one should have to bend to my hours when doing me a favor.
I feel good that I helped my ex out tonight, and it did not pain me. I figure it is good karma. So I am going with that feeling.
Replies
Now that you have helped him, be sure to remind him of that when you need a hand. It sounds like you really came through. He is lucky to have you as a friend. He better come through when you need him now.
The key to this whole situation is you didn\'t feel pain. If you hurt like hell during/afterwards then that\'s a whole different scenario. As long as you\'re good and felt good about helping him out that\'s great. Sounds like you\'re really healing and moving forward Amy. You know, my parents ended up being great friends but it took a long time ..but it did happen. Personally I\'m no way near there with my ex but that\'s just because I haven\'t healed from this crap. One day? I don\'t know. We had 24 years but it\'s too raw still even after 11 months.
Good luck Amy sounds like a positive experience for YOU and that\'s all that matters :)
Coop
I believe he would, and I had to really consider that. We have each other\'s backs. Go figure, post divorce.
As long as you feel good about it..great! Good to hear that civility is attainable :) These helping situations can have a way of becoming very lopsided though, so just don\'t offer your help.up.on a silver platter too often.
Amy, Karma will always pay off. I\'m glad you felt ok helping him, he appreciated it and I feel he will be there for you when you need help. I would like to think my ex and I could be friends like that but I\'m done trying. He promised to call me, never did, he promised again after I went to see him, he never did. He promised to help me with my car before I left for Calif, he didn\'t contact me so after another broken promise, I decided I\'m done and have stopped making contact with him. The only contact he has made with me was a couple of weeks ago to say we\'re still married....................blah. So done.
As long as you feel ok with your situation, then it\'s ok. I think you\'re a very caring, compassionate person and I hope he realizes what he gave up and won\'t take advantage of your good nature.
Just continue to be aware of your emotions and feelings and follow your gut.
Hugs and wishes for continued peace in your life!
I say roll with it, Love. xo
Thank you all for your kind words of support. I was trying to help him out again today over his car situation which landed me in a bad world of trouble with my car and a police officer (not ready to discuss that mess right now) and in the end he was the person who came through for me. I am home safe and sound thanks to him and the car is parked safely out front.
I am just doing the best I can from day to day.