I'm Doing The Best I Can
I make no excuses for what I feel, or what is in my heart. I know I am blessed with a good family, friends that God continually places in my life, and my precious pet. I feel my life mission is to help others and be a friend. Not someone to tell you what to do, but a friend. It has always been my nature to help others, and it is the one thing that makes me feel good.
A lot of little triggers have come about the past two weeks. Little memories that are causing my heart to be heavy, and hurt. I can only say that I love my man, Richard, with all my heart. And I love that I am still, and remain, his wife.
What pains me is that people look at me and say, you are so young, and pretty. You have your whole life ahead of you. Someday a nice man will come along. Now, tell me. Do you think that is anything that I want to hear? I often choose to avoid people, which is not a good thing, and still don't know how to handle questions or inquiries in conversation. I ran a bus trip this past Sunday, and someone asked what my husband did while I was running trips. My answer was that he is in heaven, but he is always with me everywhere I go. So, he is here. Made me feel good, but uncomfortable to have to talk about it.
All I have come to realize, and have been told by my pastor, is that God knows the desires of your heart and he understands. All I ask of God now is to allow me to live a peaceful life with Richard by my side, and fill it with wonderful friends and family. People that understand me, and people that I can help. That's all, that's all.
A lot of little triggers have come about the past two weeks. Little memories that are causing my heart to be heavy, and hurt. I can only say that I love my man, Richard, with all my heart. And I love that I am still, and remain, his wife.
What pains me is that people look at me and say, you are so young, and pretty. You have your whole life ahead of you. Someday a nice man will come along. Now, tell me. Do you think that is anything that I want to hear? I often choose to avoid people, which is not a good thing, and still don't know how to handle questions or inquiries in conversation. I ran a bus trip this past Sunday, and someone asked what my husband did while I was running trips. My answer was that he is in heaven, but he is always with me everywhere I go. So, he is here. Made me feel good, but uncomfortable to have to talk about it.
All I have come to realize, and have been told by my pastor, is that God knows the desires of your heart and he understands. All I ask of God now is to allow me to live a peaceful life with Richard by my side, and fill it with wonderful friends and family. People that understand me, and people that I can help. That's all, that's all.
Replies
I don\'t know why people feel that we need someone in our lives to make us complete. I get the same thing. It\'s been three years for me. My dog\'s vet even tried to set me up. I will never say never, but at this point in my life I don\'t have any desire to be with anyone. Barbara
Barbara, how well I agree. I tell people my life is good for me the way it is, and the only thing that would make it better and complete is if my husband were still here to share it with. I know I\'m always going to get the comments, and in time I will learn not only how to handle them, but not let them bother me, like I\'m doing something wrong.
I think it is wonderful that you are fulfilled knowing you experienced and continue to experience a love that is so special to you, Hugs Lu Ann
Its those little triggers that make each step a little harder than the last, but we move forward with each step.
I find myself explaining the same the people. I used to get upset, because I knew it was just ignorance, they didn\'t know him. And it would make me angry that they didn\'t know him, that the world had lost him. The only thing that is wrong is that we allow them to make us second guess ourselves. Just don\'t. Thats what I do. And now, I see it a s an opportunity to help them know him. In doing so I keep him close to me. I show them how much I still love him and how much love he gave me.
Radioworld, that\'s exactly what happens. It weakens you emotionally and makes you second guess your own feelings and judgment. I should be stronger, and I should be able to shake them off, but it is so hard.
I talked to my man on the way to work today and told him just how glad I am that he remains in my life and walks with me daily. I don\'t ever want that to go away. He\'s been gone two years and to the outside world, it\'s time for him to go away, but that severely breaks my heart.