I'm Doing The Best I Can
I make no excuses for what I feel, or what is in my heart. I know I am blessed with a good family, friends that God continually places in my life, and my precious pet. I feel my life mission is to help others and be a friend. Not someone to tell you what to do, but a friend. It has always been my nature to help others, and it is the one thing that makes me feel good.
A lot of little triggers have come about the past two weeks. Little memories that are causing my heart to be heavy, and hurt. I can only say that I love my man, Richard, with all my heart. And I love that I am still, and remain, his wife.
What pains me is that people look at me and say, you are so young, and pretty. You have your whole life ahead of you. Someday a nice man will come along. Now, tell me. Do you think that is anything that I want to hear? I often choose to avoid people, which is not a good thing, and still don't know how to handle questions or inquiries in conversation. I ran a bus trip this past Sunday, and someone asked what my husband did while I was running trips. My answer was that he is in heaven, but he is always with me everywhere I go. So, he is here. Made me feel good, but uncomfortable to have to talk about it.
All I have come to realize, and have been told by my pastor, is that God knows the desires of your heart and he understands. All I ask of God now is to allow me to live a peaceful life with Richard by my side, and fill it with wonderful friends and family. People that understand me, and people that I can help. That's all, that's all.
A lot of little triggers have come about the past two weeks. Little memories that are causing my heart to be heavy, and hurt. I can only say that I love my man, Richard, with all my heart. And I love that I am still, and remain, his wife.
What pains me is that people look at me and say, you are so young, and pretty. You have your whole life ahead of you. Someday a nice man will come along. Now, tell me. Do you think that is anything that I want to hear? I often choose to avoid people, which is not a good thing, and still don't know how to handle questions or inquiries in conversation. I ran a bus trip this past Sunday, and someone asked what my husband did while I was running trips. My answer was that he is in heaven, but he is always with me everywhere I go. So, he is here. Made me feel good, but uncomfortable to have to talk about it.
All I have come to realize, and have been told by my pastor, is that God knows the desires of your heart and he understands. All I ask of God now is to allow me to live a peaceful life with Richard by my side, and fill it with wonderful friends and family. People that understand me, and people that I can help. That's all, that's all.
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