I'm Doing OK
It has been two years since my precious husband took his last breath, and it really doesn't ever seem like two years has passed. It always feels like it was just yesterday. The excruciating pain is gone, as well as the panic, sheer fear and terrible anxiety. Those have been replaced with bursting love, peace, contentment and satisfaction.My husband gave me a necklace the last Christmas he was alive, after he was freshly diagnosed with cancer. The inscription on the back said "I will always be at your side". See, my husband was always true to his word and never bought anything that didn't contain words that he didn't mean or that he wouldn't hold up to.So, now, two years later, I can truly say in seriousness that he is still here, at my side, 7 days a week, 24 hours a day. I'm not alone and I'm definitely not lonely.My vow was to remain his wife and carry his last name until the day I die. It is a vow I intend to uphold, for I would not have it any other way.As I have learned so far, grief is a life long process. You don't get past it, and you don't get over it. You learn how to adapt and live with it.
Replies
Debbie,
You have been and continue to be an inspiration to me along this journey. You are about a year ahead of me on the path and I know that there are so many times where I read your words, or your comments and feel so uplifted - feel so \"normal\" in my feelings and my ideas. I thank you for that - and for being my friend.
I believe that Richard is so proud of you as his wife......and the person that he loves.......and he will always be with you. I believe that just as I believe that Mark is always with me and I too will always remain his wife.
Hugs to you,
Chris
Debbie, this is beautiful. You are such an inspiration to me. You said my husband was beside me when the hummingbird came to me and I do believe you are so right. I did not see it again until yesterday. My son had just driven home to visit me and and I was telling him about my post and the wonderful responses and complaining that I had not seen the bird since that day and the hummingbird came to the feeder. My son had just said maybe he will come tonight while I am here to see me! We were both speechless. Thanks for sharing your journal. I hope to get to where you are at some day. You give me such hope, hugs Lu Ann
Within a couple of weeks or so of Richard\'s passing, a song came on the country station I had on Sirius radio. I have only heard it that one time, and have not heard it since. It is called \"Wish You Were Here\", by Mark Wills. To get the full impact, you should Google the song for the lyrics. I know to this day that it was my husband describing heaven to me. I can\'t say I am ready to go yet. I rather have mixed feelings about it right now. I\'m certainly not the woman he left behind, but forever changed. I sometimes worry if we will be able to pick up right where we left off, or discover each other again, but in a new and better way. Either way, the foundation of love remains there, and that is what the two of us will build on once more.
It googled the lyrics, it sounds wonderful, thanks hugs Lu Ann