I'm done
7 Sep 12 8:54pm
I just found out hours ago that my sister has cancer - type 2 ovarian. I sent an update out. I also send a loving email to my mother in law, just telling her I missed her and felt she had been distant. I've brought this up so many times over the past few years.
So, hours after I sent out my sister's update, including stating that I was so completely exhausted, in pain and alone down here (sister is still in hospital), my MIL decides to dump me. TODAY. Of all days in the past few years, she picks a few hours after I find out this horrible news.
Basically, she feels I wasn't there for her when she had her cancer 2 years ago. This despite driving 7 hours up to VT to see her THREE times that summer. Sending cards, emails, phone calls. She seems to remember nothing of it. And she's decided that she doesn't want me in her life and just dumps me.
I can't get my footing. I feel so much pain I can't breathe. What is it about me that is so disposable? Why do so many, many people find it so easy to get rid of me like I'm some filthy trash? Never even give me a chance to apologize, fix it or explain? Nope, just dump me like my fiancee did 2 weeks before our wedding. We were together for 9 years and he just dumps me. Like my father did after I spoke up about his abuse when he was trying to get custody of my little brother. That man beat me, raped me, emotionally abused me in every way. But somehow, it was my fault for speaking up against his custody and not only did HE dump me, but my grandparents and his whole side of the family dumped me. And it goes on... so many people.
It just can't be them. There must be something so WRONG with me that people feel it's better to toss me out than communicate and give me a clue and a chance. What is WRONG with me?
I feel like now it's just a matter of time until my husband leaves. I should leave him then I can be DONE with this horrible crap. Set him free. And set me free too.
I just found out hours ago that my sister has cancer - type 2 ovarian. I sent an update out. I also send a loving email to my mother in law, just telling her I missed her and felt she had been distant. I've brought this up so many times over the past few years.
So, hours after I sent out my sister's update, including stating that I was so completely exhausted, in pain and alone down here (sister is still in hospital), my MIL decides to dump me. TODAY. Of all days in the past few years, she picks a few hours after I find out this horrible news.
Basically, she feels I wasn't there for her when she had her cancer 2 years ago. This despite driving 7 hours up to VT to see her THREE times that summer. Sending cards, emails, phone calls. She seems to remember nothing of it. And she's decided that she doesn't want me in her life and just dumps me.
I can't get my footing. I feel so much pain I can't breathe. What is it about me that is so disposable? Why do so many, many people find it so easy to get rid of me like I'm some filthy trash? Never even give me a chance to apologize, fix it or explain? Nope, just dump me like my fiancee did 2 weeks before our wedding. We were together for 9 years and he just dumps me. Like my father did after I spoke up about his abuse when he was trying to get custody of my little brother. That man beat me, raped me, emotionally abused me in every way. But somehow, it was my fault for speaking up against his custody and not only did HE dump me, but my grandparents and his whole side of the family dumped me. And it goes on... so many people.
It just can't be them. There must be something so WRONG with me that people feel it's better to toss me out than communicate and give me a clue and a chance. What is WRONG with me?
I feel like now it's just a matter of time until my husband leaves. I should leave him then I can be DONE with this horrible crap. Set him free. And set me free too.
Replies
hey girl.........i am sooooooo sorry this is happening to u hun.........
I want you to know that you are not trash to be dumped out.... there is nothing so wrong with you...Im sure it feels that way now, and I dont know your whole story, but I do know one thing...God created you... He created you the way you are with all of your blessings and with all of your flaws...and He loves you just the way you are....people can not love in the way God wishes they would....one day when we all meet in Heaven we will love the way God intended.... you just continue to love those that God allows you to love..... your sister... the people on this...and if you think your husband is still there for you, then love him too! talk to him about how you feel and find out what he is thinking........either way hun, God does know your pain, He does not always send all of the blessings and answers like some church folk preach it.... the bible says that as long as you are a christian, you will be gauranteed to have tribulation in this world.... yes, I pray for relief in this world, but the one promise I know for sure is that of Eternal life and happiness, with no more pain, no more sorrow, and joy, and peace daily with Jesus Christ who died for you so that you dont have to suffer in eternal hell, but that you will live in eternal peace in heaven when this horrid world is over...
hun I feel ur pain.... I hope you know God, and I love you!
Sheila
ps there is a good christian site \"christianity oasis\" chk it out
NO NO NO! You are not disposable.. You are loved, wanted and needed. If your MIL is so selfish that she is going to DUMP you in your hour of need, then be done with her. When she needs you again, remind her how you are not good enough for her...and say a prayer and send a plant....then go visit, because that\'s what someone like us do.
Right now you are the most important person there is.
Your fiancee dumped you, because you were to good for him, and as far as your father and his family go, you were a child....and that child is still in there and needs healing. If you saw a little girl who was raped and beaten today, what would you say to that little girl? Could you really believe she could seduce a full grown man? Or would you think like everyone else that there is something wrong with that man? You spoke up for your brother, YOU ARE A HERO...Your grandparents \"dumped\" you because they knew they raised a child molester, & chances are your grandfather molested your dad, and it was only a matter of time before someone else spoke up...Shame on them for all the damage they did to their son, you and all the other children who were abused by their family. But you saved your little brother. BRAVO FOR YOU, YOU NEED TO BE CELEBRATED.....
God Bless You,
Cheryl
Thank you so much, Sheila and Cheryl. This was such a horrible time for me. That night ranks in my top 5 for dark, dark, dark times.
I wrote more of how grateful I am for you all in my discussion (CP & the PIt) and hope you get it! It\'s folks like you that allow those of us who are so alone to keep on truckin.
I made it thro that night and strangely feel more stable now. I\'ve decided that I can NOT allow people like my MIL in my life right now. I\'m just too vulnerable and raw. I have to get myself some emotional and spiritual \'clothes\' before I meet again with such stingy and mean people. I don\'t know how long it will take, just that they aren\'t safe for me.
Ta again and I promise to give back some of these blessings and support! I\'m determined to make a better time of it, starting the day after that horrible night. Love ya, NIbs