I'm breaking

Last night he tried sleeping in the same bed. I told him I wasn't sleeping with him. He was furious. I moved into the guest bed, and he had to ask his bum friend bum friend who stays over and doesn't have a job, to move out of the room. He was so angry. I know I did the right thing. But today I couldn't concentrate at work. I wanted to call him, ask him if he hates me, tell him that I love him.I don't love him. I care about him, but I don't love him. Being here is the worst thing that I can do and yet I can't make myself leave. I understand it somewhat. Why am I still holding on? What am I doing here? I'm not waiting for him to come around. But I guess I do want some sort of closure. I want him to realize what he did and be sorry for it. And it's so silly because that may never come. I may never get that apology. The only person I can control is me. So, today when I feel like running to him and crying my guts out, I'm going to cry to myself. And I'm going to find comfort in the things that make me feel good, like my dog and exercise and friends. This way, I will know that I got through this with out his help. And when the thought that talking to him will make me feel better creeps into my head, I will remember what he has done and how he has treated me. I hope it works. It's gonna be a long day because I'm done with work and I don't have practice tonight. Day three is usually pretty hard. I can't wait to sleep.