I'm at a loss what to do next

I guess I should post my story and see if anyone has suggestions. I know there others here who have it way worse than I do with going sexless for many years. Mine has started recently, but I'll get to that later. My wife and I have been married for over 41 years. We've only known each other sexually. We both lost our virginity about 5 months after we got engaged. It was fun and exciting and we had sex 2 or 3 times a week, but stopped about a month before we got married. It was a mutual agreement. The first week of marriage was very good and we had sex 3 times, but it tapered off quickly after that. We had sex 3 or 4 times a month. As time went on, it was even less. 

We had three kids by 9 years into the marriage. After that, it really dropped to once or twice a month. She either wasn't in the mood, or tired or just didn't want to have sex. It wasn't because I wasn't helping around the house or with the kids. There was one year about 15 years into our marriage where we only had sex twice. I couldn't figure out why. My wife is seven years younger than me so she was in her 30's at the time. I thought women were usually very sexual at that age.

One of the problems we encountered was our work schedules. I was a teacher that worked days and she was a waitress that worked from 4 PM to midnight. She worked about 4 or 5 days a week and sometimes on weekends. I always made sure things were in order around the house. I understand her work hours were a big part of the problem, but maybe I didn't understand enough. I never withheld sex from her, though I can't say the same for her.

She later took a day job running a hot lunch program in a parochial school. We were home together more after that, but it really didn't make a difference in our sex life. I think it was 6 or 7 times a year after that. As our kids got older and in high school, I thought things would change, but they didn't.

A little over two years ago, I sat down and talked to my wife and told I felt empty and missed our talks and intimacy. I told I felt we were two ships passing in the night. She felt the same way and decided to make Sunday morning our time, since we went to church on Saturday. I was great having our conversations and then usually getting intimate. We would role play which would make it more enjoyable. But, about 19 months ago, I was diagnosed with prostate cancer. That was a blow. But I was very lucky having the doctors I had because they ran me through a battery of tests and found it was a very aggressing cancer. I had surgery on Sept 19, 2017 and all the cancer was removed. The down side was that nerves had to be cut causing me to lose the ability to get an erection normally. (I hope I'm not giving TMI). Two months after the surgery, my urologist prescribed a pump with bands. I practiced for a month and on one Saturday morning, I asked my wife if she'd like to give it a go on Sunday morning. She stared at me (which seemed like forever) and said, "if you want too." I could tell by her look and tone she wasn't interested. I thought about it a lot that day and realized that she really hadn't been into our Sunday morning rendezvous. It started to eat at me. When I woke on Sunday morning, I got up and started getting dressed. My wife said, "I thought you wanted to try the pump today." I told her I changed my mind and we'd try it another time. Maybe I shouldn't have done that, but I truly was not in the mood.

About a month later we got into a discussion about something and I told her how she hurt my feelings that day with her attitude. She started yelling at me on how I hurt her feelings by even thinking of having sex on such short notice! WTH???? Short notice?? She told me if I wanted sex on Sunday morning I'd have to let her know by Thursday so she could work it into her schedule! WOW!! What a kick in the stomach. Just a note here: I refer to myself as #10. Our 3 grown children, 5 granddaughters and job seem to come before me.

I have talked to her about wanting more intimacy and that I'd go as far as giving my self-injections so we could have sex. She just smiled and at me and said, "you just don't realize that you and I are on opposite ends of he spectrum when it comes to sex!" WOW! Another kick in the stomach. She just had a checkup with her OBGYN and was asked how long since she's had sex. She thought about it and said, "almost a year and a half." Her Dr. looked at her and said after a long pause, "oh." When she told me this, it didn't seem to bother her.

To add the icing on the cake, we were having another "discussion" recently and her one comment to me was, "it's not my job to make you happy!" That was a blow below the belt. I thought part of being married was to try to make your spouse happy. I'm really thinking about leaving even though she says she loves me. I told her I didn't believe her. It really hurts and it's making me sick. My blood pressure is starting to go up. I don't need this. I have never cheated on her, though she has a very bad jealous streak. It cost her a friend because she came into a room at a party where two other men and I were talking to her friend and she "jokingly" asked what was going on with her and me. Her friend took it seriously and that was the end of their friendship. I guess what really bothers me the most is that we don't hold hands, hug each other, say I love you, or even kiss anymore. I'm just empty inside right now. I know a year and a half doesn't compare to what Kim is going through or some of you others, but I'm at a loss.

I hope someone here can tell me if I've done something wrong or whatever. I'd like to hear what others have to say.