I\'m angry tonight and I want validation for this anger
I wish just one person in his life, one friend, one family member, would tell him to his face that he's not the man they thought he was and they no longer wish to be associated with him. I wish just one person would validate the damage he's done. His life just goes merrily along with his friends, who are still his friends, and his family burying their heads in the sand and all is well in the life of my X while the kids and I don't even know where we will be living for sure in the next 6 months. I know life is not fair but isn't there someone, besides his own children, who have backbone enough to rip into him for what he's done. Anyone???? Doesn't anyone else realize that he's lying to their faces. Are they all so naive that they can't see the truth right before their eyes. He left me and his kids for another woman. He's a liar and a cheater. Is that OK with everyone who knows him. What is wrong with these people. I just want someone to validate why I'm angry, why his kids won't speak to him. Doesn't that in itself tell the story. Do they honestly believe that I'm the monster he's obviously made me out to be. How can his family act as if I never existed when I spent 23 years of every single holiday and family event with them. My future happiness (and I mean total bliss) will be my revenge. I truly hope he's miserable some day and I don't give a hoots holler about him or his misery. My fantasy is that he comes crawling back, begging for another chance and I tell him he's out of his friggin mind. That would be justice. That would be sweet. Not gonna happen, but a girl can dream can't she. I got an email from one of his friends today. A guy that I believed was a friend of mine too. Life just goes on for the cheaters and the liars and all is well in his world while me and the kids struggle through the debris of it all. Just venting here. Need to let it out. Feeling betrayed by them all.
Replies
I wish I could hug you right now. This is how I have felt for a solid year. Why do people think it is okay for a man to leave his family, cheat on his wife, lie about everything, leave them with no money and still think he is a great guy! Do people have no morals and ethics anymore? Do people just want to pretend none of it ever happened? I think about it all the time, Chrissy, why doesn\'t just one, just that one person tell him just how wrong he really was and is. We both have the same fantasy! Wouldn\'t it be so nice to say with a big smile oh how nice of you but no thanks, see you later!!
You have done a great job, far better than I have. My emotions have been crazy because we have had so much contact. Not anymore! The lying, cheating person that ruined our lives for the past year can rot for all I care. I just wish someone, his girlfriend would let him hit rock bottom. He is almost there but she won\'t let it happen. I don\'t wish him harm, just no happiness for a while so he can see what it feels like. Do you think they are even capable of feeling?
Have a great weekend. I admire your strength. You and the kids can come bunk in here! It will be a roof over your heads like it is ours, not much room as I am bedroomless but hey, who needs one! It is clean, in a good neighborhood and no rent to pay. If you get stuck you have a place to go!
xoxo
I know exactly how this feels, Chrissy! Give it time, and though people may not say it to his face, and are hesitant to say anything to you that might be construed as being nosey, they do think about it, and they do communicate a bit differently toward him, and he will feel the difference. His family is not o.k. with what he did, even if they are nice to him and support him right now. Hang in there. The best thing you can do is distance yourself from him and find your own support system and wait for karma to catch up with the asshole, because it will.
Oh sweetie, you\'ve been to hell and back. Pick yourself up and dust yourself off. It\'s sad but he\'s not worth it. You are better than him. I wish you were here so I could give you a big hug. Hopefully at the Chicago meet up.
Vent away darling! Yell some too. Then don\'t waste another minute on him. Take care of yourself. Spend that energy on your life and what you want out of it. Give that energy to people who deserve it.
Love ya bunches! :)
It\'s awful, isn\'t it? I feel the same way. I\'ve been trying to pick up the pieces that my H left behind and have to communicate with so many of his \"pals\"?! That hasn\'t been easy, but it has to be done. His family HAS treated me like I never existed from the get go. It hurt like hell for quite a long time - being as, like you - I didn\'t do anything to bring this situation on? Sure, I left - but I didn\'t really have a choice.
I have learned from this, though. I\'ve made a promise to myself that I will always remember this. If the man/woman is in a relationship or abuses their spouse - the only form of communication from me will be a nod. That\'s pretty much been the norm for me anyway. No real personal contact. They suck. But, I WILL make more of an effort to keep in contact with the other party involved. Just an \"I care\" message once in a while. That\'s so important and means so much.
You want me to call him?! I\'ll tell him what a creep he is - you already know I don\'t think too highly of his family anyway.
Time will change this, Chrissy. Your emotions are still so raw. It\'s painful to be treated poorly and not know why. I spent a lifetime with that. I\'m beginning to think it\'s just normal - some people need to pick sides, it\'s easier on them. Love you.
I am so sorry Chrissy. I totally understand. Our couple friends did the same thing to me...couldn\'t believe that I didn\'t do anything to bring this on. All they saw was what I saw, that he appeared so devoted to me...but they refused to see what I had no choice but to see...that even while he was acting so devoted, he was cheating, and he ran like a chicken-sh*t when his house of cards came falling down. They didn\'t have the compassion they needed to see my side of it...they took the easy way out and chose to blame the victim. That is what people do, because they are protecting themselves. They don\'t want to admit that bad things can happen to good people, so they need to believe that there was a good reason for what happened.
It is a second traumatization. My shrink says the pain I feel about this issue is about validation. That I need my feelings and \"story\" validated. It is so true.
These people, who are friends and relatives of your ex, will never validate you and what you experienced. They aren\'t big enough to do that. They are protecting their own selves from the knowledge that these horrible things happen. If they acknowledge it happened to you, they have to accept that it could happen to them. Have you noticed that everyone who is married thinks that their spouse would NEVER cheat on them? The sand pile is huge and there are a whole lot of heads stuck down in there.
It sucks, but the only thing we can do is accept that there are people who can\'t be there for us.
I have had to stop all contact with anyone who maintains that I should have seen this coming, or that I must have done something to cause it, or any other explanation that I find insulting and wrong. If a person can\'t believe my side of the story (his is a total lie) and they can\'t be a healing force in my life, then they are OUT and I choose to not have contact with them.
I hope that knowing that there are people who understand, even if we aren\'t in your every day life, helps. We really do understand.
I know how you feel. I want so badly for someone to be pissed at him. He didnt leave for another woman so I dont know if that is the reason but everyone seems to think nothing of his breaking up a 29 year marriage. I have heard someone say \"he is such a great guy she is making the biggest mistake of her life.\" And another say \"if she really wanted to save her marriage she would tell her mother where to go\". Now Iknow living with her was a major part of his misery but why isnt anyone saying \"boy he\'s a louse he couldnt even take living with his mother in law\". No he is just a great guy. I am the bad one here. One of my good friends say I am still upset over this because I feel like a failure!!
So it does really suck and I really have to accept that I am in this alone and try try to move on.
So I understand completely.
Hi my sweet friend. My situation is a little different. A lot of my X\'s friends have held him accountable and have not reached out to him. And while it makes me angry of what he did to me, I don\'t expect his friends to continue to hurt him but that is their choice. He betrayed ME and our family. And while I get how you feel, I haven\'t experienced what you have so I\'m trying to relate to what you\'re feeling. I think as time goes on, even though you hate what he\'s done to you and your children and your home and all that you have lost, you will eventually see that HE is truly the LOSER! And while he can get sympathy from his family and friends, I bet that deep down they think he is scum for the choices he\'s made. GOod for you for venting. I never experienced this so it was good for me to read! Big hugs my sweet friend.
I know how you feel. My ex and his family think that he did nothing wrong. I guess they never will see him for the liar and cheater that he is. I just we have to sit back and wait and all dog get theirs in the end we just have to wait it out. My ex-min lives five blocks from me and the kids and used to see them a few times a week and when her son moved out last June, that was the last time my kids have seen or heard from her.I guess maybe she realize what her son did and can not face the kids. Maybe your ex\"s family feels the same way and if they dont maybe they should. Hang in there and dont let him or his family get to you it is what they want and it is not worth it. Many hugs to you, Lori