I\'m about to lose it!

I guess i do need help.  My boyfriend is an alcoholic.  He spent 45 days inhouse at a rehab center.  He's now out for "day treatment" only.  He's very much into recovery, and i have committed myself to him, his recovery, and our future together.  I have always had low self-esteem issues.  My father is an active alcoholic, and has been for years.  My childhood wasn't the greatest in the world, but it wasn't the worst either.  There have been some personal issues between my boyfriend and I that i don't feel i can just openly discuss here.  Let's just say that i've been feeling neglected and i have been feeling that my boyfriend is not physically attracted to me.  we got into a disagreement yesterday.  at first, he got mad, and told me that he couldn't do anything with ANY woman.  he isn't as affectionate with me as he was before he stopped drinking, and i don't know, i just feel like he's only keeping me around for reasons known only to him.  i know without a doubt that he loves me.  i was going to leave last night and drive back to my town where i live (i've been staying with him for the past several days so that he can have a ride to and from the rehab at 5:30 to 6:00am and then in the evenings to come home.) because i was just so frustrated and so upset with him that i felt like i wasn't wanted.  i agreed to stay long enough at his mom's in order to pick him up last night after one of their meetings.  when he called me to come pick him up, he asked if we could talk.  i told him sure.  he told me that he loves me, he's committed 100% to our relationship, and that he is so focused on his recovery that he's been totally self-absorbed.  and i do understand that.  but see....i have been taking care of his physical needs when he "needs" it, but he refuses to take care of mine.  in any way.  and every time that i bring it up, it's always a different answer about why he hasn't or won't or can't or whatever....i'm FRUSTRATED!  he keeps saying that it's getting closer....he wants the first time to be something that i will never forget....he's only protecting me in case he gets sentenced to jail (????)....i don't know what to do.  i need to be in Al-Anon.  but i find it very hard to be around strangers (general anxiety disorder, maybe some social anxiety in there...always have been like that), and i can't speak in front of people...too self-conscious.  i have no friends here.  i moved back home 16 months ago, and i have yet to have made a single friend.  just my family and his.  and i'm still new around his family.  so i don't really have anyone to talk too.  i was seeing a counselor due to my depression issues.  but i kinda got dropped from that, not my fault at all....or maybe it was, but it was purely unintentional.  i don't know.  personally, i'd like to just talk to someone online, not face-to-face....it's easier for me to open up and talk that way.  i'm not anti-social by any means, but i've often been told that i am, and that i'm stuck-up.  but that's not it.  i'm SCARED of facing people!!!!  and then there's the weight issue.  i know i need to lose 50 pounds.  and i try and i try and i try, and the more i try, it seems like that it's never going to come off.  i seriusly need someone to talk too....is there anybody out there who has even remotely gone thru any of this?  please.....if so, let me know.  i'm a basket case right now....i drove home this morning after i dropped my boyfriend off at the center at 5:30am, i live in another town 30 minutes away...and i have to be back around 6:00pm to pick him up so we can go back to his mom's house (that's where we both are staying for the next few weeks)..in the meantime, i actually live with my mother and my 14-yo daughter.  she just started back to school last week, and i feel like i'm neglecting her.  i talk to her everyday on the phone, but still...I"M NOT HERE FOR HER!!!!  mother guilt!  and MY mom needs help around the house with all of our junk...we moved into this house this past december 1st and we're still not thru unpacking all our crap.  i have to manage our household bills because my mother has some serious OCD issues, and besides the obsessive part, she's a compulsive buyer!!!!  i have to keep my eye on her, because she goes crazy at the stores!  i do have to admit that she is trying to do better, and she does ask me ahead of time if she can a certain item or not.  and it's hard to tell her no.  i mean, when i moved back in with her 16 months ago, she carried me for a year.  i had no means of getting any money.  but then my grandmother was alive and so my mom had her own social security check, plus my grandmothers, plus my grandmother's retirement check.....i finally got my backpay check in june, and how in the world can $19,000 go in 2 months?????  it did.  yes i did buy a new computer for myself, laptop for daughter, xbox and playstation 2 for my 8yo son,  a car for myself (it was only 2,400)...yes we did go on a vacation to florida that had been planned for a year in advance (i paid for food for myself, my kids and my mom...and then gas for my sister's car since we rode with her.) i did buy my niece a laptop because she didn't have one, and i had to pay for my OTHER sister a rental car home because she didn't buy any return plane tickets before she left to come on vacation...she thought she could find some "cheap" tickets....whatever!  i know i'm rambling.....anybody there?  am i making any sense?  does anyone understand???????