I'm a wimp

I'm just a wimp...and why is this text so large..LOL!  Why can't I just tell him to f-off or be as mean as a pitbull or anything.  I've done that before, what makes this any different.  Maybe it's the fact (the only fact) I have children with him and have to TRY to be as amicable as possible for their well being.  I guess I have no backbone, like I used to in the past or has he broken me so bad that I've just given up on everything.  I don't know.  I always always said I would never take any crap or this crap and here I am taking it...wondering.  Now I'm headed to see my parents with the kids for the weekend giving him free reign of the house.  Will he have the nerve to bring her here like has happened before?  Do I care that they will meet?  Yes and no...do I expect it...yes...do I care, a little of both....just in the fact it still hurts but also there is NOTHING I can do to stop it.  Oh well.  This weekend will probably NOT be a good one, as I DO NOT get along with my mom and she has already started about having kids in her house for the bday party, since it's going to rain.  I think I'm turning into her and I hate that...absolutely hate that....she is a bitch and I hate to call my mom that but that is EXACTLY what she is...never a nice word or ever a nice tone to her voice or anything.  I do blame her in a sense for the way I am...a wimp because I 've always tried to please her by getting good grades, good in sports, being a good person, and I never ever got anything from her but grief and being yelled at.  I was never good enough...maybe that is a deep seeded things now...I'm not a good enough wife, mother, person etc.  that he had to go somewhere else.  I think I look for reassurance but I know I will never get it from him or her...that is a hard pill to swallow.  It's nice to be recognized once in a while. 

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

Hey there! It isn\'t YOUR fault that he strayed. That is all on him and his issues or lack of character, whatever. Your faults are yours but they aren\'t his and they aren\'t a reason for him to go running off. A real man embraces the things about his wife that aren\'t perfect and celebrates the things that are.

I have sort of the same problem with my mom at times, its almost like she expected me to just move on from all this overnight and doesn\'t understand why I still hurt from it sometimes.

Hope the trip goes well! (((GIANT HUGS)))
goodfight
goodfight

L, don\'t beat yourself up! Nothing you did or didn\'t do as a wife, mother, or person gives a spouse a pass to do this to you. Remember your in the very heart of this explosion right now. This is possibly the worst thing you will ever face in your life and for the most part you are alone, trying to keep it together for yourself and the boys. We are here for you, nothing you\'ve said or done is that different from what we\'ve done ourselves. Let us carry your battered spirt, give you the support you need until you get through this, AND you will trust us. Your in my prayers dear so hang in there!!
llmt
llmt

Gracias to you both. I need a labotomy...LOL! Can anyone help with that?! LOL!
deleted_user
deleted_user

This is really sad. Sounds like you\'re stressed out! Have you considered therapy? It can help. I used to argue with my Mom too, but then she got sick and everything changed. I\'m so glad we reconciled before it was too late~Take Care.
llmt
llmt

Yeah, I am in counselling but it\'s me...I always look for reassurance I guess. I will never change her which is good I\'m over 3 hours away sometimes. But I think a child always needs their mom regardless of how they treat you.
goodfight
goodfight

Labotomies are only for MasterChiefs(E9\'s) in the military. That\'s where they start thinking like an officer. Senior Chiefs run the NAVY and never would get a labotomy!
llmt
llmt

OK...no labotomy then...LOL!
deleted_user
deleted_user

Not a wimp, a caring person who can\'t just turn off emotions towards a person who no longer deserves them. We are not selfish robots like our spouses have become and hopfully we get out of these relationships before we take on some of their traits. That\'s my tough talk, now I\'ll tell you I do the same things you are describing. It still bothers me when i think they are together and she doesn\'t even live at home. All week we have not talked about us, just the kids and the house. Haven\'t said more than a few words at a time to eachother. Yesterday she was complaining that she is so tired, isn\'t sleeping, and may be getting sick. When I got home from work she was crying. Instead of just saying bye have a nice nite alone in your 1 bedroom apartment. The husband in me comes out, like she knew it would, and I tell her to go in the bedroom and lie down. I take the kids out for a couple hours and bring her back dinner. She feels better, then goes to her apartment. People tell me all the time I\'m being to nice about this but it is hard to turn off feelings you have had for years. What keeps me going is the fact that I will be able to look my kids in the eye when they are older knowing that I did everything I could and have no regrets about the outcome. Tell your mom how much you need support right now and if she doesn\'t have something nice or constructive to say, than keep it to herself. Have a good weekend with the boys and try to forget all the stuff going on and give your mind and heart a break.
deleted_user
deleted_user

Oh how I was closer and could help. You really need to get out. Keeping things amicable does not mean being a door mat!!!!!!!!! I had a cheating husband after 24 years of marriage we ended it.....we are amicable, my kids are happy, he moved the OW in as soon as I was out. There they sit in my 5 bedroom, 5 car garage house....she sleeps in my bed and helps raise my kids......HOWEVER......I now have my own cute little home, my kids prefer my house but spend 50/50 time with my ex. We talk about the kids and what needs to be done. I am dating, have my own friends....life is good. It is so much better than the year I spent in that house knowing/suspecting he was out with her etc....For tracking advice, I can give that too, they don\'t admit things until you catch them red handed.....But you need to get out, move on, Your kids deserve more, you deserve more....don\'t let them grow up thinking it is ok for a woman to just put up with this kind of behavior from a husband.
deleted_user
deleted_user

I don\'t mean to be harsh in these posts....I have been in your shoes....I want for you the kind of peace I have being out of that situation. I am not always 100 percent happy, no one is. But I have total peace about the divorce and about my situation. Living alone is hard, but I am strong...mostly....I lean on my friends when I need to for emotional support. But nothing is as good as sittling in MY living room with a glass of wine and total peace....I don\'t worry about them....I snuggle with my kids and we have a great life.