I’m a liar and broke my wife’s heart

I have been married for 3 years to my wife and dated her for 2.5 years before we tied the knot.

i recently went on a trip to Mexico for my youngest sisters wedding and while there I made several very shameful decisions.

it went out to a night club with all the boys/men who were down for the wedding for my brother in-laws stag.

after lots of shots and drinks we all hit the dance floor and I found myself dancing with some girl, she eventually kissed me and I didn’t stop it. She ended up coming back with me to my resort and back to my room. I had sobered up at this point and just wanted to sleep rather then have sex because part of me inside knew that there was no going back if I crossed this bridge. So I awoke the next morning and the girl was gone and instead of forgetting about the whole incident and moving on I checked my Facebook and her friend had sent me a friend request. I excepted it and started chatting with her friend and then add the strange girl on face book and we started chatting back and forth for the next 5 days. We both kept saying how we wanted to see one another and she asked me who the women was in my profile picture to which I replied my ex-wife.

i never actually saw this girl again nor really wanted to but entertained the idea for those 5 days.

my wife could not attend the wedding because she is 8months prey with our first child.

a few weeks later I left my phone at home and had turned off the password lock and she went through my phone and found all the messages. What hurt her the most was my comment of calling her my ex-wife.

I dont know why I did what I did or why I lied about all of it to her to try and cover my mistake up but I know I was wrong. I will have to carry that shame around for the rest of my life and try to hopefully one day regain her trust if that even possible.

at this point I am no longer living in our home that we bought together because she asked me to leave cause she can’t stand the sight of me.

i hope I can find the root cause of my problem and get the help I know I need to turn my life around and become the man I know I can be.

we don’t realize what we have until we have lost it.