I Love You Pookie Bear...????
Ever since he heard those words on a Geico commercial, that is all that comes out of his mouth. Even though I have told him I can't stand it, he continues--- constantly.
Several days ago he changed his profile pic on facebook (back to our wedding photo) and has been telling me how many likes he gets from everyone but me.
He keeps saying "the words"---to me, they have very little (if any) meaning. This is a man who is home 24/7 ---Yet I am working 40 hrs , coming home and his first words (after the pookie bear shit) are did you bring me a treat? or I could sure eat a turkey and cheese sandwich. I have told him I am not his slave... or mother. I do the cooking, have started to make him come out to fix his own plate (which apparently is a cardinal sin... and he does usually take it in and eat it in the bedroom)
he has started laundry a few rare occasions--- usually putting in the first load... that is it. I do fold and have resorted to putting his on a chair in the bedroom. (He can do that much to put in his dresser, but it sits on that chair---3 ft from the dresser.) When it snows, I have a very kind neighbor who is more thoughtful and has dug me out . When I do go inand it is bad, I beg him to take me in. he usually does, but he will walk through the snow ... to get in the car (I am the one who will have to clean it off before we go)
Gathering trash, vacuuming, sorting through bills, mail... all left for me...
He has started now to try to be a bit touchy feely (to me it is more like the annoying "stop touching me" stuff we get from siblings---Ah yes--and does ask for kisses... I found it especially interesting the morning after the latest argument where (when I would not stop until I finally was able to at least say what was on my mind as) he yelled at me to shut the fuck up! I just looked at him and said, I don't think so and was off to work.
I suggested Chinese takeout today--- something different that we both enjoy. (I am not into cooking a special meal for someone who treats me so ??? And is too expensive and crowded to go out today. he loved the idea of Chinese (of course, I have to order and pick it up after work.
He is so content and annoyingly oblivious even though I talk til I am blue in the face--- and I am miserable. Is just so hard and scary to leave...
Would be so nice if there actually WAS someone who did truly LOVE me. :(
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Wishing you a very happy Valentine's Day hopefully filled with peace and tranquility❤
If he is capable of doing stuff. If he don't work and you do.you should be like no you cook a few nights and you should refuse and Why don't he buy you
Chinese.if he's capable of shoveling he should get his ass out there.
Your man tells you to shut the fuck up? And he doesn't let you express your feelings or listen? Wtf if my husband ever told me to shut the fuck up I'd kick him in his balls so hard then probably break down and ball my eyes out
Anyway nuff said you have a great day my friend.
I have to echo sweetgirl and say WTF. He is a child, it sounds like. And spoiled at that. So if you took on the role of mother (because he certainly doesn’t treat you life a wife) then you might have to ask yourself; who spoils children? You have enabled him for so long that the behavior is set. To change now,, I think, may require you to leave. Something has to shake him from the stupor of his lazy life. And it has to be something uncomfortable. I am sure $ is tight but is there anyway you can go on vacation for a week or two. Maybe when the weather gets better? So you don’t have to go all the way south. He needs to grow the fuck up.
Just got flowers delivered to me at work.
Guess it is all better now??
Now am home--- picked up the Chinese. Had a great dinner and all is peaceful.
The house is still a mess, but again, I heard the words (and got the flowers). Is just his way.
Kim I suggest that you call your attorney tomorrow and tell her to finish up what should have been completed last year. Hugs.
Wow Kim, my heart goes out to you. When he said, STFU, I’m glad you said no. If he’s trying to change, he’s not doing a good job. Ism happy that you had a peaceful dinner. Apparently, he knows the end is coming, but he’s acting like a child. You shouldn’t have to do everything around your home. He’s lazy! He treats you like a servant. If he can start the laundry, he can finish it. I wonder if Valentines Day caused this change. My wife has been different the last two days.
I have to agree with lb7268; call your lawyer. Hugs!
The way that he talks to you is the way he controls you and....with all due respect.........you allow him to do that to you because of your fear.
Somehow, you will need to get away from that in order to find peace. I wouldn't worry about money. Check with your local department of Health and human services to see what your options are.
Good luck
This is why you planned on divorcing him at some point, right? I mean, this behavior seems consistent with past behavior. Are you expecting him to be different or change? Why? Past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior.
You’ve threatened to
leave and told him you were pursuing a divorce at some point but you have really given him no reason to believe any of that is gong to happen since nothing has really changed. So he can just continue to be his little emotionally and mentally stunted turd of a man and you can continue to suffer. At some point you have see you aren’t a victim here but part of the very dynamic the empowers him.
Sorry I am not trying to be harsh and I know it is scarey to take action but if not you, who?
I do realize this. I also believe in his mind, he does "love" me as best he knows how. I also realize if I do not muster enough courage to finish this, I will continue to feel as absolutely empty and lonely as I have been the past few days. All is hunky dory and we are getting along and existing just fine. You have no clue the sadness that consumes me . At this late date in my life, I finally realize I have wants and needs... I mention them often, but live with not one of them met.
I really hate to hurt him and am a little worried how angry he may get... and of course the overwhelming fear that has been instilled in me. But for me , in the next few days I truly need to do something. If I don't, it is as though I too am saying that what I want and need means absolutely nothing. (translating to I mean nothing. but I DO.) I really hate to be the bad guy, but even more I hate this current "existence"... is not much of a life to me.
You deserve to be happy follow your heart what you feel is right
No I can’t know how you feel, as I’m not living your life but like most human beings, I do know deep sadness, regret and pain. I also know we are all responsible for our own happiness.
Your husband is ultimately not as strong as you are. He would be different if he were. You enduring this relationship this long being this unhappy takes a certain kind of strength. So you are STRONG. It’s turning that strength into action.
He is going to hurt but you aren’t responsible for managing his feelings. That’s an impossible task since his feelings are his to manage. Divorce hurts, change is challenging and I’m sure he is going to struggle. He will likely be bitter and manipulative, passive /aggressive, mean spirited. But there is nothing you can do about that. Those are his things to work through, or not. That’s up to him.
Fight for yourself. Fight for your own happiness. If you aren’t in therapy, look into it. You may find working through your feelings of sadness, worry, fear etc in a therapeutic setting will help fortify you.
Everyone is pulling for you. Pull along.
Thank you
Hugs Kim.
For some reason I am only seeing your post now. But I want to share something. Many years ago I realized that my husband had clay feet. He was a nice guy, but far from perfect. I saw that he could never meet all my needs. But God did. I knew, and still know, that God loves me with a perfect love. I rest in that. My husband is dead now, but I still have God's love. I wish that for you too. When you have Jesus, you can survive anything, and you can love someone else even if he doesn't deserve it. Wishing you blessings today.