i love you, go away.
this sums up most of my relationships. which leaves me feeling disconnected. but it is so strong and embedded in my subconscious that i dont realize what im doing until i end up hurting others. my words get in the way or i dont know what words to say. i fear real intimacy but crave it at the same time. i fear rejection but i dont mind if I reject you as long as you dont reject me. it pisses me off. i just want to be normal. and to communicate how i feel without being scared of the end result. so get close to me but not too close. sigh.
Replies
I know what you mean and I have grown pass this....let me show you how.........
Sassy, I think this is very much the thing us bipolar sufferers have to deal with. At times I need closeness but do not have ready access to it, but at other times I am completely content doing my own thing. With the wacky mood swings we go through we can love a person one minute and feel slighted the next. I guess it all comes down to mood stability. The more stable the mood the better able you are to build up good relationships and be the person you truly are inside. At least you recognize that these feelings and attitudes you have- subconcious or not-are not healthy. Perhaps, you will get to a point where you can start to work on changing your attitudes and perspectives...so much easier said then done, I know.