I love going to church.

I did not want to go to church this morning. flashbacks and such rough morning.  I got up got ready and went.  I always get a lot from church.  I have pstd and triggers are everywhere.  I have a hard time talking to people and always finding the right words to say.  I feel like I am growing.  I always get something out of it.  I am getting more and more out of the  bible and more and more out of his preaching. I feel each step is a layer of  my past healed.  He preached oh clean vessels.  If you are born again of the blood of Jesus and  repent of you sins and pray and ask God to save you.(salvation) You then need to fill your heart with Gods word and let him replace the things that you used to  fill them with.   Letting things from tv permeate your mind. or other things that draw you away from God.  If you are filled with other bad things. God cannot use a vessel such as this.  You have to let your will be gone and be an open vessel.  You may have things you want to do your plans.  God wants his will to be your will.   I am learning and getting my memories out and wanting to clean up and let God use me . My abuse is not considered sin.  I feel that having been through abuse you struggle with certain things others would not.  I am healing and its not been easy but with God all things are possible.   We are all struggle with things and boy trying to figure out how to heal or even who you are.  I was never able to live my own life I was at the hands of others and I was used abused and tortured at the mercy of whoever had me next.  I could not fight back or have a say or I would be beaten senseless.  My Saviour is my rock and he has protected me and gave me a name and he knew my name and he loved me as a True Father loves a daughter.  So If you feel no one loves you and you have no where to turn you can call upon God-HE WILL HEAR YOU!