I Lost My Job On Top Of Everything Else... Not Sure I Can Take This

I wrote this letter to a writer who had written an article I read about here on daily strength and wanted to share it with my friends here at daily strength. Hugs to all of you. I want to thank you for your article in the New York Times about the lack by some companies to use human decency as a rule for conducting business. I graduated from college in 1995 magna cum laude. i was quite proud of that. Unfortunately I'm not emotionally stable enough to work in my field. I've been working for the last 5 1/2 years for Yellow Cab in Baton Rouge, LA, so please don't say I just don't want to work. I did feel like I'd hit bottom pretty much but was glad I had a place to work where I felt some degree of competence and respect. All that is gone now. Its hard to write this letter. I'm full of shame and pain. Its a long long story but I'll try to make it short. In 2006 I lost 3 of the most important women in my life. My grandmother died in January 2006. I missed no work. I don't think my boss even knew. I could not afford to go to the funeral. I honestly felt like I'd lost my grandmother a couple of years prior to her actual death. She could no longer read my letters as she could not see well enough even though I enlarged and bolded the print. She could not hear me and phone calls were more pain than comfort. There was a time when my grandmother and my mother were the main two people I saved in disaster dreams common to many children. My dad could live if he was nice to my mom, but he had to stay outside of our cave. My mom died in April of 2006. For many months prior to her death I was lucky enough to be able to go see her once a week. She was in a rehab center and then in the hospital about 2 hours away. I was with her from Thursday through Saturday morning when she died. She died on Saturday April 22, 2006 and was buried on Saturday April 29, 2006. I returned to work on Monday. My daughter died October 30, 2006. While I was going to see my mother during the last few months of my her life I was also trying desperately to save my daughter's life. I was unsuccessful. My daughter died on Monday was buried on Saturday and I returned to work on Monday. Most of the time throughout this past year I worked 48 hours a week. I'm 50 years old and not in the best of health but I made it. December 2006 I ended up in the hospital with an infection in my foot that went into the bone of my big toe. I was off work for 2 weeks. I went back to work on a Friday. I wasn't due to go back until Saturday but 2 of my coworkers wanted to leave early so I went in for 3 1/2 hours. Saturday I was back in the saddle. The next week I worked 52 hours. My boss was in the hospital taking chemo. He has been going through a rough time the last 2 years. He was diagnosed with cancer and had a course of treatment that they thought took care of it. It didn't so he's going through it again. Many times my boss and his wife have said how much they appreciated how I have been there for them during this time. I really love what I call my "work" family and just felt it was the right thing to do. I don't regret anything I did for them no matter what has happened now. I was on IV antibiotics but I just hooked them up and took them at work. I worked Christmas and New Years as usual. I liked the extra pay and I didn't feel like I had much to celebrate that's for sure. On December 29, 2006 I told my boss that I had to have a couple of hours off on Tuesdays to go to the infusion center and have my central line site checked and blood drawn. So what does he do, he schedules me to work. I reminded him I needed the time off. So it was agreed that I would leave at 8am. I didn't get away right at 8am as it was very busy and the coworker that was supposed to be there didn't make it on time. That's not unusual. I got back about 10:20am. A coworker that could not leave until I got back was quite ugly to me. Again that was not unusual for this particular coworker. This coworker had already been punishing me for days because I refused to give her preferential treatment. I wish now I had. Not because I think that is the right thing to do but because I would probably still have a job if I'd sucked up. The coworker who I had refused to give preferential treatment was my best friend. I should have been wise enough and strong enough to break up the friendship long before. I had told her months before that her tendency to "throw" my friendship away was very painful. She's obviously got issues of her own that make her a dangerous friend for someone who's hurting as bad as I have been to keep. She gave me a cup for Christmas that said, "Its All About Me". I hated that cup and refused to use it. I gave it to my husband but I shouldn't have done that either. My boss scheduled me to work the 30th of November. I didn't want to go in. I was at work when I found out my daughter had died. I didn't want to be there but my "friend" was quite ugly when I asked her to cover for me. Yes I'm living in a nightmare. I don't know if I'll ever find my way out. I'm sorry if I offend people by not being able to "get on with things." Last week the coworker was still punishing me. I had finally had enough and was going to leave. She left first. I sat back down and continued working. My boss came in and started helping. I was sitting at my desk my chest hurting and barely able to think. I made some bad judgement calls. My boss called and said something to me I'm not sure what in a very ugly tone of voice. I feel like I was set up to take a fall. I told my boss he was right, he could handle it, and I left. I messed up big time. I called my boss the next day and begged for some time to get some counseling and try to get things together. He told me he could not, that the insurance company would not allow. I bet they won't. I was beginning to cost them some real money. He told me it was strictly a business decision. Just as a point of interest, the coworker who walked off the job before I did, he called her back in. To add insult to injury he's not paying or mentioning vacation pay. i guess you have to be there the full year before you've got any vacation pay coming. The money he was supposed to put in to match my 401K contributions... that hasn't happened either. I'm going to try to fight it, as he said... its strictly a business decision. I have a mental health Dx and I'm going to try to fight on the basis of the Americans with disabilities act... but no matter how it comes out this hurts. It hurts very very much.