I lost it.
I realize that everything that has happened in the past 3 years (getting sick, losing my job, losing my apt., son turning against me, etc.) has changed me completely. Not only did these hardships show me my traumatic past, they also extinguished my light. I used to have hope and zeal for life but now I am empty. I look at my life and don't know whether things are going to get better. I have asked God to give me death if things are not going to get better. I am on an island by myself with no way off of it. Sigh. I don't know what I did to deserve this. Sometimes I think that God is punishing me and/or hates me.
I realize that if I died today or tomorrow, no one would know until the smell of my decaying body seeped through the cracks of the wall. Oh well. I never thought in a million years that my life would be like this.
I wonder how long will it take for me to heal from my past and become happier and normal. I just don't know how much longer can I hold on.
I realize that if I died today or tomorrow, no one would know until the smell of my decaying body seeped through the cracks of the wall. Oh well. I never thought in a million years that my life would be like this.
I wonder how long will it take for me to heal from my past and become happier and normal. I just don't know how much longer can I hold on.
Replies
I feel your pain, I too wonder what I did to deserve the struggles in my life. I\'ve isolated myself for far too long, lost friends. I too want to heal and try to find that shred of happiness I once had. Hugs!
I feel the same way often. I can\'t tell people what Iv been through for many reasons but I know that feeling. Ill be a good friend and notice you there.