I'll Never Be The Same

I will never be the same since my son Ryan died. I am a whole different person now. I feel like I'm in a different world. It will be 4 years in April, since I saw my Ryan. I don't like being without him, it has been a constant battle learning how to wake every morning, with some sort of a positive mind. I must say I cannot do it on my own...I had to let go, and let God...For around 3 yrs, before Ryan died, I had a God in my life, of my own understanding, ...I hated God for along time, for taking Ryan away. (a good 2 yrs) anyway...I had to learn all over again, how to "TRUST AND RELY ON GOD" ...I have to believe the premonitions, coincidences, Mothers intuitions, all these feelings of something... OF THE UNKNOWN... Put the fear, of something was gonna happen, but I don't know WHAT!!!! Now that I have some time behind me, slow by slow, it's almost like putting a puzzle together..GOD ONLY KNOWS!!! I am only 51 yrs old, if I continue to live life in FEAR, there will not be room for LOVE... "TRUSTING AND RELYING ON GOD" gives great LOVE!!! Therefore I cannot live in FEAR at the same time!! It takes constant vigulence,(SP).. It is soooo hard to do, but we have to, for the sake of others....I have to be here to help others through, this very same experiences...It's mI will never be the same since my son Ryan died. I am a whole different person now. I feel like I'm in a different world. It will be 4 years in April, since I saw my Ryan. I have  a knew purpose in life!!! like it or not.. Love to you, Kelly
It is better to love ... and help others !