i'll miss you michael
i'm sad that michael jackson is gone. i actually became afraid for myself. i saw some similarities . i believe michael died from depression - no one wants to talk about that. i thought maybe my final fate is an early death. i was talking to my mother over the phone. she asked me if i was okay about michael jackson b/c she knows i am a great fan. i told her i was but asked if i am suppose to die. i have been dealing and suffering with this molestation, which has caused me to be depressed. i got afraid. i thought about all the good work i have been doing and how i have been feeling good lately (positive progression) - is it going to waste. i know we all are going to die at sometime. am i going to assist in taking my life like michael jackson? i think michael took his own life. i think he knew how destructive he was with his life. i've been there. i wish he had taken some time out for himself to heal. our lives seem similar, but for michael and his money, he did things on a larger scale. i've done drinking and marijuana to mask the mental pain. he bought prescription drugs. i'm always treating people out to have someone to hang with. i've gotten the impression that all the people around hung on to him for his money. his yes-people encouraged him to take those drugs so he could keep on spending on them. i isolated myself and tried to put everything i may need in my place. michael built neverland - no reason for him to leave there unless he was working. i easily detached myself from people that i thought was laughing at me. michael went through soo many "best friends." he said on may ocassions that he could not trust anyone. i thought the countless plastic surgeries was nothing more than an expensive and blameless way of cutting. the feminine look, was his struggle with his sexuality. anyway, i broke down on the phone with my mom and asked if i am suppose to die. she said, "listen to me. you have a family that loves you very much. you have been doing some good work to heal yourself - i see it. i don't want you to give up." she went on to say that michael jackson's family should have gotten their butts up, found jobs, and stop living off of michael. michael's life was complex, but it was depression. that is what it felt like to me. he was extremely sensitive and had a soft heart. i understand that. when you show that side of you to people, they will use you up. God have mercy on michael's soul - give him peace. if anyone of his family members truly want to change michael's tarnished/misunderstood image, i wish someone would come forward and admit he has been hurt and used, and as a result sufferred with depression. because he was misunderstood and strong enough not to expose names, the papers bullied him. i thought about all the troubles i am having with making friends. people don't understand my timidness and my passion for the truth. i get teased. i can't turn around to everyone and say, "hey mann give me a break my uncle molested me when i was 6. he threaten me not to tell anyone. i asked him to stop and he would not. i have been living in fear all my life." this is an epidemic around the world. people are crushing the will of children before they can learn to protect themselves. the jackson family can save millions of crushed souls and do something amazing in michael jackson's name.