I know this will mess things up tonight...

I can't get my feet up off the edge. I kinda like the little rush I get when I'm standing close to death. I hold on while I crash into the earth a little pain will help me suffer when I'm hurt for real because she's driving me crazy. All along we talked of forever I kinda see us never getting there it's the longest start, but the end wasn't to far away you just didn't want to stay. & now you are gone & I can't keep your voice outta my head all I hear are the many echoes of the darkest words you said, and I can't find the best in all of this, but I am always looking out for you because your the one I miss, and it's driving me crazy, but did you know? I'm here to stay... If you ever talk to me again I know I will mess things up, but god it will feel so good to finally close my eyes. Everyone saying I'm trying to move on when we both know I am not... & I would trade this sleep for you in a heartbeat, but this weather will not lift at least like shouting into caves without an echo, & each day you come closer in my dreams, so close I can almost feel your breath on my shoulders, but I know if I turn around you will just disappear again. It may be different now, but the pattern will wash out...