I KNOW I need help

Maybe I should try AA because I know I can't do this on my own. I have always thought AA is so lame because I see people on tv standing up saying "Hi my name is....and I'm an alcoholic" I just think it's lame as hell and don't like being bothered with people. But I have been drinking again, and I now know I need more help than whats online. I come here and talk to people and read everyones stories, but I obviously can't kick this habit alone. I feel like a total loser for giving in and drinking, and I even thought about it before I did it, so It's not like I didn't know. It really sucks because I never thought I could have a problem like this. I thought I was above this, but apparently I am not. I am probably being hard on myself, but I guess I need to be or I will never get past this, and be dead in my early 50's like my dad whom everyone claims died from heart failure or something, but I know better. I know he would still be alive if he didnt have this addiction. I just don't want to be unhealthy and die young too. If I could afford rehab I think I would go. But I can't so I will just have to figure something else. Someone from Sweden messaged me the other day and said they didn't want to ever drink because they were afraid they might like it too much, and I told this person not to drink because that could be true. I started off just drinking because I liked it, and now I want to drink because I don't even know why