i know i did the right thing but.....

As a parent I know I did the right thing.  It wasn't easy to say no and I tell you I was very, very close to saying yes.  T-Man has been soooo  gooood.  He's been doing everything we ask of him, he's been cooperative,  helpful, he's clean,  going to AA etc.   This new old norm is wonderful.   Well -  today I had to make a quick decision (he's always throwing things at me the last minute - and I always seem to be in the grocery line when he asks me) and I felt so bad for telling him he couldn't.   Although I trust him and feel he should be rewarded for his good behavior BUT - unfortunately his past behaviors are still haunting him.  He's still on probation, after all, and if I would have allowed what he asked of me, and something (even an accident) should happen -  I would be held accountable and also look like an irresponsible parent.   I told him no to driving a few counties over, with his best friend to visit another friend, attend a concert, and then stay in a hotel.   Initially, he didn't say anything about a hotel - and I finally smartened up on that one and asked for more details.   He never gives us the whole story until it's too late to say no to the second part of it.  Anyway,  like I said - he's on probation and isn't allowed out of the county without permission from his PO and that request has to be made 24 hours before the event.   He tried to convince me that we don't have to tell the PO.   He said he's been doing so well and that he's trustworthy and deserves to go.   I went against the PO's decision (PO was aware of it) when he was invited last spring to go to Canada with his girlfriend's family.  I told T that that was different - he was with adults, too.   He tried to tell me his friend is an "adult", because he's 18 years old.  Yes- BUT - this "adult" friend of his used with him.  Although I strongly believe that  they have good intentions..... I cannot let him go.   My oldest reminded me that he never did anything at all to even give me reason to say no to him - but I did -  at times.  The difference is.....my oldest took no for answer and didn't argue about it.      

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

You did the right thing. This shows that when the person in recovery, as in this case, is still a minor it is a different deal all around. At least in my situation Gary is responsible for himself. Good work Mom!
deleted_user
deleted_user

He got over it much faster than I anticipated! In fact, he stayed home with his older \"not so cool\" brother and watched football - while we were out!
deleted_user
deleted_user

It\'s not always easy being \"right\". Glad to hear that it all worked out. Take Care!!