I know, I better not get my hopes up!

I know, even though Spanky had opened my door and has his foot in it, I know he is still with Rayna.  I know that i'm worth more than a random splash in the pool.  I know I shouldn't make excuses for him.  We had sex.  And it was AMAZING as usual.  I hope he thinks about it and fantasizes about it as much as I do.  I also hope that he thinks about what he is doing and what he is giving up by not being with me.  I can only hope that he values himself more than what he has in the past and overlooks any of our past problems since we can work thru them.  I can only hope that he misses me like  i do him.  He obviously has thought about me and wants me on some level.  One above sex at least.  He would have pushed me away sooner and would not have kissed me like he did Saturday night.  I know he has feelings for me!  I wish that he could get over being scared of them and work thru his issues and get what he deserves sometime too!   I truly love that boy and want to share my life with him.  He needs someone that is more of his equal not some 19 yr old that sits on her ass all day and lets him do all the work.  He will soon realize that she isn't the one for him.  I wish that I could have another chance to show him how things could really be for us.  He would still have his independance and freedom to hang with friends, just not have the freedom to have sex with anyone he pleases.  He can stay home and please me all he wants though!!  LOL   I'm hoping that maybe he saw her true colors this past weekend and that his family will encourage him to have her get packing soon.  I'm sure Aunt Vicky will update me on how things went on Sunday and I can update her on her nephew's impromptu visit Saturday night.  I'm not giving up on him.  I'm also not giving up on us but I know to go into this and be on my guard! I know if it's meant to be it will happen!  I just can't call, text or nothing!  He has to be the one pursuing me and wanting to be with me.  I just have to be the one to re-open his eyes and touch his heart in the meantime.  He will want me - I know he will!!