I know.....
I know I need to be here, today, on DS. I know I haven't been here in some time, but ultimately this is the place where I have found comfort before...good listeners, good friends, and compadres, before. I thought I was doing ok, and in a sense I am. For 2 years, my life has been amuck. I have been trying to just get thru. I work full time, take care of my kids, but yet, here I am still in limbo, still living with the ex bc the house, I know, won't sell. We need to get it on the market, but it's most like not worth what we put into it and I don't have the money to pay extra on the mortgage. I don't have the money to pay my lawyer. I work like a dog and get paid nothing. I have been looking for other jobs but they are on the off shift and I can't do that with 2 littles ones, so in a sense I am lucky, so lucky to have this job. Meanwhile, I am lost...I am lost without my boys this week. Their dad, who has the money, took them to the beach with the OW and her spawn. I can't say a thing, he is their dad, and I have no right to dicate what he does...we are divorced. Hell, evidently I couldn't dicate what he should do when we were married. It just hurts, is all. I loved the beach, that was our thing. I can never "compete" with what he can give them. And now he is trying to be "Disney Daddy" and do as much as he can with them. It's just plain awkward living in the same house and doing that. It hurts. I don't know why after all this time but it does and I can't help the way I feel or change it. I did take them camping (which is NOT my thing) on the weekend. It was fun but I don't think they enjoyed it much....they had no kids to play with, except for me...lol. That is why my kids like to go with the OW, her kids are roughly the same ages. To boot, evidently my ex in-laws went...so officially she (OW) has taken over my life. This upsets me bc I can't understand how my overtly Catholic inlaws can sit there in her company and not say something. I know my MIL wanted to a year ago and didn't want her in her presence....maybe she figures it's not her life and why say something....IDK. I can't understand why she sent me a Daughter in Law card with money for Mother's Day, to which I am technically not anymore, to breaking bread with the enemy, so to speak. Part of me wishes we were still married. I have lost me, part of me, some of me...I just don't know how much. I dont' feel happy, ever, unless I am with my boys. That is the tug on my heart strings, yet, I am overstressed with stuff. I know I should be over it, I know I NEED to get over it, and for the most part I don't care what he does. I know I NEED to figure it out...I just wish it still didn't hurt so much.
Replies
Llmt, All I can say is Hang in There!. We all are experancing these little set-backs, Know that all you can be is just YOU and your boy\'s Mom. And that is enough. They may not see it today and you may not feel it today, but those boy\'s of yours will someday recognize what you are doing for them today and thay will forever love you! (HUGs to you, and we are here if you need us).
I miss soooo many from here. I miss being here a lot. Thank you WT...I AM JUST A WEE BIT BROKEN THIS WEEK.
I miss soooo many from here. I miss being here a lot. Thank you WT...I AM JUST A WEE BIT BROKEN THIS WEEK.
Someone else is living the life you were supposed to live. That can\'t be easy to take when it\'s literally \"in your face\" on a daily basis. I hardly have to have any contact with my EX and it makes a huge difference in my moiving on. (((HUGS))) You will always be their Mother just like WT said.
That life is gone...and I know how hard you are trying to make a new one. Believe that you will. This is just a trigger that has you so low this week, and I\'m confident that you will come back from it and forge ahead....
Beleive in yourself and your values. Both are worth much.
Well glad to see you back, momentarily, even if only to post a journal! I dont\'journal much either, but I do comment on others frequently, and check out the daily stuff , and check a few post, but it is also declining, as I am working more.
So it has been about 2 years, since this raucous started! So you are divorced now??? I remember about serving the papers, yet it seemed to cancel it out, when he\'s still living there? I get that he cant\' sell thehouse now, the economy is still dropping, but a year ago, we could have gotten way more than now!
Why didnt\' you guys just sell a year or 2 ago? You could have come out even, maybe??? So how does this work? He lives there, has his girlfriend, and comes home every nite? Or does he stay there? I\'m very confused! Sorry, i get the financial thing, I think, but after so much time, I think it would have driven me totally crazy! I really don\'t know how you do it, I don\'t! Sending ya hugs and support. Notice a lot of new foks here, it\'s a revolving door! But glad to see ya back, even if only for a sec!
L, don\'t beat yourself up about what you can or can not provide for your boys. You are doing the best you can and no matter how many \"Things\" your ex gives them or provides them you are their mother and they know that. I know kids don\'t always show their love but believe me they know who their mom is and they will always love you. Hope all the support from DS helps wish we could do more for you. God Bless!
OK, I\'m confused too. Why does he have all the money and you have responsibility? Maybe it\'s time for you to be more demanding. For you and your kids. Just sayin\'. Prayers and hugs!!!!
Diane
I\'m sorry you\'re struggling. I know it can be difficult. I hear from my stepdaughter that ex and the skank ho/now wife have a boat and travel and such, and as much as I hate it, the green-eyed jealousy monster bites me. I think it\'s just natural to be hurt. Do something nice for you.
Please don\'t be too hard on your in-laws. My in-laws did the same thing. I think they are simply confused and don\'t know what to do. Accept the money in the mother\'s day card--they mean well. They can\'t help it if their son is a turd~lol.
Sending loads of hugs!
@ drtexdi, he makes great money and has a good job, makes 5times more per year than I do. My job stinks and bc we still live in the same house, until it\'s sold, I don\'t get child support or alimony. And I am not guaranteed alimony and prob won\'t get it according to my lawyer.