I kinda want to know it all

I know it would hurt more than anything but I want it all to be out on the table. I want the truth on what has been done and said. I'm worried I might not be able to get past it but how can I ever get over it knowing there is more hidden. It's like pulling off a bandaid pull off all at once rather than slowly very ver slowly always think your done the a little more. It just keeps hurting more and more. Is it so wrong to want the truth to be told to hope there is some light in the dark. To have some hope that it's not as bad as it all seems to be. How can I still have hope. I guess it because I just want what was a fairy tail to have a some what happy ending rather than a horror story. I just want a reason to live life again rather than just live on autopilot.