I keep asking myself, \"Now what?\"
I finally hit a plateau, you know when things are calm and seem to be going ok, but just a seemingly endless flat space. The kids are getting better every day. Post traumatic stress caused by the chaos of our former life is no longer ruling our every move. I am still struggling with keeping up with the daily grind, (housework, laundry, bills, endless errands) but am able to maintain a happy disposition. One goal I strive for daily is to find some way to pass on some positive energy to those around me, whether it is a smile, hug, or some type of helpful kindness....I helped a young man out yesterday... he came into my favorite thriftstore and had a bag of things he had purchased at another store. He asked the cashier if he could leave the bag up front while he looked around... some evil person stole his stuff... He began to panic as it was his new apron, shoes, and dress pants for his job that he was to start the next day. The manager, Jean-Paul, (a dear friend of mine!) offered to give him money to replace what had been taken and I offered him a ride to the store where he had bought his apron. We had a great conversation and he told me his story and I shared mine... His wife wiped out his retirement fund and cashed the income tax check (he had been swindled into giving her power of attorney) and GAVE thier entire savings and cash on hand to thier church!!! Then she kicked him out of the house!He was so distraught at first, then as he calmed down, realizing people cared and were going to help, he just opened up. He appologized for freaking out... We had a good conversation and got all the things he needed AND got him to his appointment to meet with his social worker... I stopped back to the thrift store to let my friends know I was ok, and we had a mission accomplished! Jean-Paul thanked me for my help and gave me some gas money. I tried to turn it down... but hey, gas is expensive, so I relented. I gave Tony, the man I helped, the same advice I give everyone these days... the decision to change must be an ACTIVE decision, you can't just whine about life and what is wrong, if you want it to change, YOU have to be the one to make the difference. Get off your a$$ and do something about it!! Now that I rambled... back to that plateau... I want to find something meaningful (outside my duties to my dear children) to do with my life. I need to find a job, but don't just want to be there for the paycheck! I just don't seem to have any direction. I want that change I talk about, but have no clue where I am going!!! I can only assume that God has a plan and I have to be listening and looking for his guidance. I haven't worked in years and most employers probably look at my big empty space of job experience and toss my application in the nearest garbage can... ah... no... no negative talk here!!! Where is that rainbow, the four leaf clover... I hope I find it soon!