i just want to erase you :)

what will i do with myself i honstly don't know at times, i feel ashamed  all lone . i let my mind think and i don't know what to d. i don't  know i wish i could forget things. but i just cant in a few day it will be a year it happened to me. i  still hear his voice i can see his face. will it ever go away?I just want to cry sometimes, sometimes it hits me so hard. I still blame my self a lot sometimes not as bad but if i never met him it would have never happened or i tell myself anyways. if i would have been strong like iam now last year maybe he would have never singled me out, i hate to let myself go there its not ok what he did. the most i hate is that the memories wont seem to fade. id cry my eyes out if i knew for sure that it would mean i would forget him that much easier. dont get me wrong i have days where i remember  nothing and i feel nothing but it comes and goes.i wish i could punch him in the face for all the wasted tears i have wasted because of him.but where would that get me no where i holding this. ti makes me wanna puke .
 
sorry i needed to vent :)