I Just lost It
I've been doing pretty good with the tears and I've been fortunate that I have yet to be driven to anger in this experience that we call grief, but the both of them just got the better of me a minute or so ago and I really needed to vent.
As I've been slowly returning to doing some of the things I used to enjoy, I was visiting one of my favorite political blog sites, (yes, I'm one of those guys), called Briebart.com. There was a video clip that caught my attention and I made the mistake of watching it.
But first, for those who don't already know this, during my wife Barbara's last month of life, her cancer had ravaged her body without mercy. While the Hospice Staff truly were angels, they were only there briefly to check on her. It was my job to care for her, and I did so willingly, and I believe, lovingly. She was unable to feed herself as she had no control over her muscles and her mind was playing tricks on her. I had to feed her like an infant. The same with liquids. When she could not & would not accept any nourishment or fluids, I had to provide for her comfort and pain management via suppository. This violation of her dignity was done as respectfully as I could possibly do such a thing. It was not pleasant for me and I am sure she felt the same. This went on for that whole month.
I was angry, I was hurt; it embarrassed me; and it frustrated me. I did not wish to do it anymore. But I knew that it was NOT her fault. It was cancer's fault, and my anger was directed there. God, in his mercy finally called her home to Him and relieved us both of our burdens. I have managed to refrain from dwelling on the experience as I wanted to remember her as the healthy, buxom woman she was.
The mistake I made today was watching a video of a 92 year old woman being "cared" for by a 52 year old professional "care giver." This beast was filmed slapping, shoving, throwing, jamming food into her mouth, and just in general mistreating this poor woman. She was manhandled. I could not take my eyes off of what I was seeing.
I thought of Barbara, unable to fend for herself, and I watched this sweet lady in the same situation. Only she was being mercilessly abused, and could do nothing to protect herself.
And the tears just came in buckets and I just got more angry than I have been in a very, very long time. Many of us have been there, I've read your stories. We all of us have had our moments of anger, frustration and the whole lot of bad feelings, but to treat another human being in this manner?
So I ask no one in particular. Where is the compassion? Where is the humanity? Have we reached such a level of degradation where we can allow these evil people to care for those who cannot care for themselves? I've made a lot of progress in the nearly three months since Barbara died. This takes me back a step or two.
No song. No video. Just venting. Got it off my chest and gave it to God. Life's good......................
As I've been slowly returning to doing some of the things I used to enjoy, I was visiting one of my favorite political blog sites, (yes, I'm one of those guys), called Briebart.com. There was a video clip that caught my attention and I made the mistake of watching it.
But first, for those who don't already know this, during my wife Barbara's last month of life, her cancer had ravaged her body without mercy. While the Hospice Staff truly were angels, they were only there briefly to check on her. It was my job to care for her, and I did so willingly, and I believe, lovingly. She was unable to feed herself as she had no control over her muscles and her mind was playing tricks on her. I had to feed her like an infant. The same with liquids. When she could not & would not accept any nourishment or fluids, I had to provide for her comfort and pain management via suppository. This violation of her dignity was done as respectfully as I could possibly do such a thing. It was not pleasant for me and I am sure she felt the same. This went on for that whole month.
I was angry, I was hurt; it embarrassed me; and it frustrated me. I did not wish to do it anymore. But I knew that it was NOT her fault. It was cancer's fault, and my anger was directed there. God, in his mercy finally called her home to Him and relieved us both of our burdens. I have managed to refrain from dwelling on the experience as I wanted to remember her as the healthy, buxom woman she was.
The mistake I made today was watching a video of a 92 year old woman being "cared" for by a 52 year old professional "care giver." This beast was filmed slapping, shoving, throwing, jamming food into her mouth, and just in general mistreating this poor woman. She was manhandled. I could not take my eyes off of what I was seeing.
I thought of Barbara, unable to fend for herself, and I watched this sweet lady in the same situation. Only she was being mercilessly abused, and could do nothing to protect herself.
And the tears just came in buckets and I just got more angry than I have been in a very, very long time. Many of us have been there, I've read your stories. We all of us have had our moments of anger, frustration and the whole lot of bad feelings, but to treat another human being in this manner?
So I ask no one in particular. Where is the compassion? Where is the humanity? Have we reached such a level of degradation where we can allow these evil people to care for those who cannot care for themselves? I've made a lot of progress in the nearly three months since Barbara died. This takes me back a step or two.
No song. No video. Just venting. Got it off my chest and gave it to God. Life's good......................
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