I just feel broken...
One of these days, when I'm not so achingly tired, I will tell you all the long story that lead me to this place in my life. But for now, for tonight, I just don't have the strength. I feel shattered in every sense of the word. Physically I'm exhausted, I can't eat or sleep. I feel like a ghost. Like all that's left of me is pain and numbness. Nothing seems real to me anymore, like I'm moving through the world, but am not a part of it.
Time is meaningless, it passes to me now as a series of events, unfolding around me in senseless chaos. I physically feel hollow inside, empty. Every movement is a battle and sometimes is struggle to find the will to bother trying.
My husband and I have a very unique relationship. We have never spent a day apart, from the very first date onward, we have seen each other every single day. We fell in love almost instantly, after a month, we were married. My husband is my best friend, my soulmate, my minister. He is my whole world, I havent been able to hold him since July 7 2015. Haven't felt the weight of his arms across my shoulders,felt the gentleness of his touch as he presses his lips to my forehead. It won't be weeks yet until i can feel him again. Now I'm lucky if i can get two 20 minute visits twice a week behind 2inch glass. I've seen serial killers with more intimate visiting arrangements than that, he has driving infractions for gods sake!
I don't feel like I can really relate to anyone around me. I have some support from friends and family, but i still feel so alone. They don't know, and can't know how I feel. They don't understand the flashes of pure rage, or the numb ache. I need my husband back, i need myself back.
Time is meaningless, it passes to me now as a series of events, unfolding around me in senseless chaos. I physically feel hollow inside, empty. Every movement is a battle and sometimes is struggle to find the will to bother trying.
My husband and I have a very unique relationship. We have never spent a day apart, from the very first date onward, we have seen each other every single day. We fell in love almost instantly, after a month, we were married. My husband is my best friend, my soulmate, my minister. He is my whole world, I havent been able to hold him since July 7 2015. Haven't felt the weight of his arms across my shoulders,felt the gentleness of his touch as he presses his lips to my forehead. It won't be weeks yet until i can feel him again. Now I'm lucky if i can get two 20 minute visits twice a week behind 2inch glass. I've seen serial killers with more intimate visiting arrangements than that, he has driving infractions for gods sake!
I don't feel like I can really relate to anyone around me. I have some support from friends and family, but i still feel so alone. They don't know, and can't know how I feel. They don't understand the flashes of pure rage, or the numb ache. I need my husband back, i need myself back.
Replies