i just dont know

i just got another job yay ... good im so money hungry .. maily cuz im a spendaholic  i so wanna just slit my wrists or my throught and that be that i couldnt do that till my bills were paid off i dont know what to think .. live is a mystery ... i wish i knew if im makeing the wrong decisions i hate not knowing i believe every thing i do , say, see can effect my future in some way big or small... not its just weather its a good way or bad way.. hense why i go completly nuts in my head about it forever. another dayanother dollaranother bad thought aiming to make others happy aiming to please aiming to just get bywanting waiting to be happywondering if it will beno matter what i do no matter what i say no matter how i feel not feeling satisfied not feeling completenot feeling how i want to ...