I just don\'t know want to do anymore! I\'m so stuck!

Hey! It's been a while since I've posted! Everything has been going great! Home life, work, friends and family! I have been going into the hospital more often tho! I'm more happy then I have been in the last three years, I'm finally rid of Sara and for good! (Bad friend of mine that WAS minipulating me!) I'm still in a constant battle with smoking. So much of me knows how bad it is for my health and knows how I have to quit! But theres that little bit inside of me that is being selfish and doesn't want to quit! I just don't want to HAVE to quit, quit because of my disease. I know with every drag its putting me closer to death then I already am, and I know/feel lik I don't have that many more years left as it is! I don't understand how I was able to quit all the drugs I used to do and not be able to quit something as simple as cigs ("simple" compared to some of the drugs I was on) And its not a fact of me not wanting to get better because I wanna go exercising and do my meds right to get healthier. Every bit of me knows that in order to START getting healthier I have to quit smoking. So as I sit here in the hospital, getting cravings every once in a while, this is something that is constantly eating away at my brain! I jut don't know how to do it, how to accomplish it. I also know that if I had a reason to quit besides saving MY life, I would be able to. I know how ridiculous that sounds, but its so true. If I had a lil baby girl/boy to do it for, I would quit in a second! More than anything in the world, I want a child! Knowing that I most likely wont get that, it gives me all the more reason not to quit.  When I get home theres a lot of things I'm gonna be changing. I'm gonna actually get up @ a decent time every day, instead of sleeping the day away! I recently heard that a boy, here at the hospital w/ CF, was able to bring his lung function up 20% by just swiming 20 mins every day. When I get home I want to start exercising. I'm getting a full-time job because I'm not going to school. I want to get my GED and think about where/if I want to go to college. If yes to college, what do I want to go for. I know what I'm doing now isn't satisfying me mentally as far as what my goals in life are. I just hope things turn out to be the way I want them to! Untill next time!   -Megan!