I Just Don't Know
I truly just don't know.
Dad's still in the hospital. It's a day by day thing. They are trying to establish a good pain control plan for him & to balance overall life as best they can. His prostrate cancer is an aggresive one & has spread to the bone. I don't know, I just don't know.
There's so much to juggle & balance right now. I find mornings are the best time for me to go to the hospital cause thats the perkier time of day but yet I'm trying to keep my home life & my health life in balance. Tues & Wed I haven't been going to the hospital cause those are days for appointments & Wed is kitty therapy morning, they are such a loving distration. 'm managing so far but I can feel small ways that it does get to me at times. Two nights ago by supper time I just felt this sad sad heaviness descend on me. Man what I wouldn't have done to have say that special friend just to I don't know lean on, forget abt life for a bit or whatever. What I wouldn't have done to have DS friends physically there somehow. It's helping getting it here in print at least. I've more or less bounced back but life is one wild roller coaster with way too much uncertainty right now & boy does Lupus let me know how it feels abt all this. The whole vasculitis thing flares major big time at a moments notice & then in a day or two recedes a bit. I do know it's my bodys way of releasing emotional stress but man oh man does it get irritating after a bit. I feel like I want to scratch my skin off sometimes.
Otherwise hubby & I are doing pretty well. The woman I work with at the cat shelter said she'd go 50/50 on our garden so she came over one afternoon & we got all the vegetables in & are good to go. She will come over when I let her know when weeding & stuff needs to be done & then we share the veggies later. She's abt 70ish & what a power house worker. I really admire her strength. She can outwork me by miles. She's a blessing to have for this part of life.
Hubby has his lung function test next week. It's nagging at us so much but we just have to hang onto faith that the Lord will help us be where he needs us to be in life.
Diet wise things are going better but I've got to get more high fiber foods back into my diet, can't figure out why I've got this fear of them, strange & weird I think. Boy the gall bladder thing really got me mixed up in that regard.
I thought I had this huge burden I just wanted to release thru my words here & yet now I just don't know left fr right. I think my brain is just pooped this afternoon. I think I'll let you all go for now. You all are so important & special to me. Hope everyone is having tons of happy moments in life.
Dad's still in the hospital. It's a day by day thing. They are trying to establish a good pain control plan for him & to balance overall life as best they can. His prostrate cancer is an aggresive one & has spread to the bone. I don't know, I just don't know.
There's so much to juggle & balance right now. I find mornings are the best time for me to go to the hospital cause thats the perkier time of day but yet I'm trying to keep my home life & my health life in balance. Tues & Wed I haven't been going to the hospital cause those are days for appointments & Wed is kitty therapy morning, they are such a loving distration. 'm managing so far but I can feel small ways that it does get to me at times. Two nights ago by supper time I just felt this sad sad heaviness descend on me. Man what I wouldn't have done to have say that special friend just to I don't know lean on, forget abt life for a bit or whatever. What I wouldn't have done to have DS friends physically there somehow. It's helping getting it here in print at least. I've more or less bounced back but life is one wild roller coaster with way too much uncertainty right now & boy does Lupus let me know how it feels abt all this. The whole vasculitis thing flares major big time at a moments notice & then in a day or two recedes a bit. I do know it's my bodys way of releasing emotional stress but man oh man does it get irritating after a bit. I feel like I want to scratch my skin off sometimes.
Otherwise hubby & I are doing pretty well. The woman I work with at the cat shelter said she'd go 50/50 on our garden so she came over one afternoon & we got all the vegetables in & are good to go. She will come over when I let her know when weeding & stuff needs to be done & then we share the veggies later. She's abt 70ish & what a power house worker. I really admire her strength. She can outwork me by miles. She's a blessing to have for this part of life.
Hubby has his lung function test next week. It's nagging at us so much but we just have to hang onto faith that the Lord will help us be where he needs us to be in life.
Diet wise things are going better but I've got to get more high fiber foods back into my diet, can't figure out why I've got this fear of them, strange & weird I think. Boy the gall bladder thing really got me mixed up in that regard.
I thought I had this huge burden I just wanted to release thru my words here & yet now I just don't know left fr right. I think my brain is just pooped this afternoon. I think I'll let you all go for now. You all are so important & special to me. Hope everyone is having tons of happy moments in life.
Replies
You have so much going on Kitty! Prayers continue for your dad, and for you in handling this difficult time.... Love that your neighbour is helping with your garden, awesome! I have a 75 year old neighbour who puts me to shame too LOL. Good luck to hubby with his test next week, sending positive vibes. Low fat, high fiber, fruits vegs, no sugar, no pop, works for us....I\'m lucky no probs with no gallbladder, made me shed 18 lbs!!! Love and hugs and support hun xxoo
Hugs my dear friend. I completely understand! Sometimes I think we live very near parallel lives so far apart. my dad is also in the hospital right now. I feel pulled in many directions and my heart is sad too. I know that feeling. I wish we lived closer so we could be there in person to encourage each other too. I feel the same way. If I were there, I\'d come to you home, make you some tea with all the good china and some tea time snacks and tell you some stories to make you laugh (hopefully anyway) and we could forget about life for a while. : ) I feel lupus making things heavier too. I feel stress making lupus worse also. I guess all we can do is just be satisfied with what we did right for the day. No, maybe we didn\'t\' Do It All, but we did fine and we did our best and that is good enough, probably better than good enough. And with our diet, we can make small changes at a time and let that one become a habit, then add another. I\'m finding that works really well. Hope your dad is comfortable at least. I pray for blessings for you and your family. Hugs & love, m