I just don't get it...

So, I won in court (again).  But what does it mean?  Richard still pays what the fuck he wants to for my alimony.  Kevin has not paid me a dime.  There is nothing that I can do.  I just don't get it.  Why do bad people continue to get away with doing bad things?  I am so tired.  I am so overwhelmed.  I want to cry every minute of every day.  I am alone.  I am struggling to stay on top of things.  I have so much work to do.  Yard work, mowing (I can't even get the lawn mower started), weeding (I have 15 bags of weeds in my garage - I don't have garbage pick up - did I forget to mention that Kevin never paid that bill either?), cleaning the house, the upkeep of the house.  I am drowning in fear and sadness and anger.  I hate feeling helpless.  It goes against my nature.  It rubs me the wrong way until I have knashed my teeth to the bone.  I get mad.  I swear.  I rant and I scream.  I cry.  But it all brings me back to the same fucking place.  I don't know any more.  I wish I had no kids or grand kids because I'd just exit.  Just slip away.  Take what little money I have and go.  When it was gone, then I'd be gone too.  Just a nice little sleep in my car in a closed place.