I Hope You're Not Dissapointed
The last Christmas eve the three of us were together (us and your sister), you mentioned that if anything ever happened to you, you didn't want me to live alone. I asked why. The reply was you just didn't. We had just learned of the cancer at the time.
I know if I had died first, you would have moved your sister in our home, or sold the house and the two of you hopping to Florida to be closer to your remaining family. I also know how crippling my loss would have been to you, for you often expressed you would never remarry, nor seek another, for no one could come close to what you had in me. You also didn't want anyone to try to change you, for you were set in your ways.
Either your remark was a subtle hint for your sister to move in with me, or you truly didn't feel that me being a woman I should be living on my own, either because of the safety factor, you wanted me to be taken care of, or there were certain things that women couldn't or shouldn't do.
Well, honey, you realized how independent I was when we were married, and that certainly hasn't changed. If anything, my independence has become stronger. I love being on my own, making my own decisions, and taking care of myself both physically and financially. I want you back in my life so bad, but I also know I don't want nor need another man to continue my life with. I won't take care of anyone else the way I took care of you. I won't be anyone else's wife because I remain your wife. Everytime I look at my ring I picture you placing it on my finger. It was a long awaited, special day for both of us. We had a wonderful life together.
I was always capable of doing the things you so often told me I could not do. I was always capable of finding my way in the car. I can't get lost for I have a GPS now. And, I can and will make travel arrangements to visit our friends and family out-of-state. Something I would have never done when we were wed.
Instead of worrying, being dissapointed or angry, I hope you are proud of me. I hope you are always respectful of my decisions, and I hope that you love me just as much today as you did when you went with God. I will never dissapoint you, but I must live my life my way now, not the way that you might have wanted me to. Love me for who I continue to be, not what you want me to become.
I just wish I knew--
Love always and forever - Debbie
I know if I had died first, you would have moved your sister in our home, or sold the house and the two of you hopping to Florida to be closer to your remaining family. I also know how crippling my loss would have been to you, for you often expressed you would never remarry, nor seek another, for no one could come close to what you had in me. You also didn't want anyone to try to change you, for you were set in your ways.
Either your remark was a subtle hint for your sister to move in with me, or you truly didn't feel that me being a woman I should be living on my own, either because of the safety factor, you wanted me to be taken care of, or there were certain things that women couldn't or shouldn't do.
Well, honey, you realized how independent I was when we were married, and that certainly hasn't changed. If anything, my independence has become stronger. I love being on my own, making my own decisions, and taking care of myself both physically and financially. I want you back in my life so bad, but I also know I don't want nor need another man to continue my life with. I won't take care of anyone else the way I took care of you. I won't be anyone else's wife because I remain your wife. Everytime I look at my ring I picture you placing it on my finger. It was a long awaited, special day for both of us. We had a wonderful life together.
I was always capable of doing the things you so often told me I could not do. I was always capable of finding my way in the car. I can't get lost for I have a GPS now. And, I can and will make travel arrangements to visit our friends and family out-of-state. Something I would have never done when we were wed.
Instead of worrying, being dissapointed or angry, I hope you are proud of me. I hope you are always respectful of my decisions, and I hope that you love me just as much today as you did when you went with God. I will never dissapoint you, but I must live my life my way now, not the way that you might have wanted me to. Love me for who I continue to be, not what you want me to become.
I just wish I knew--
Love always and forever - Debbie
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