I have to start somewhere.
I've heard journaling is therapeutic, so I am going to give it a try. I'm going to write about what I'm going through, the good and the bad, with the goal that one day I will be able to read an entry a year from now and say "wow, I've come a long way."
I got another text from D (We are just going to call him D for now) saying that he was working all the time and since I've left he hasn't been able to work and he has been staying at home all day long doing nothing and that he understands now how I felt being at home all day long taking care of a baby with no help and never seeing him .. and that I "cracked" and that's why I left. Seriously? Is this what he's trying to convince himself? Because I think the reason I left is pretty clear.... like the fact he became violent and attacked me, grabbed my wrists and threw me on the floor, , threw me into a chair, spit in my face, and pulled my hair all in front of our 3 month old baby (who was screaming)... all because he didn't want to eat what I made for dinner and I for once, stood up for myself, and told him he had something stuck in his @$$! Because seriously, he did. Stop complaining about what you have for dinner and be thankful we have food to eat. Stop comparing me to your mom and her cooking. I AM NOT YOUR MOM. Just because HE had a stressful day at work does NOT make me his punching bag. And for once, I said what was on my mind. Why should I have to sit there and take it? Day after day... it wears you out until the point where you just DON'T care anymore and somewhere deep down I found the courage to stick up for myself and this is what happened. It wasn't the first time, but it was certainly the LAST time.
He is just clueless if he seriously thinks I left because he worked too much and never spent time with us. Yes this problem existed in our relationship but I tried to be patient. But did I leave because of that? No. I left because he was a manipulative, controlling, angry person on the inside who was becoming more and more violent and I had to get out before I have to see him treat my child like that some day! We deserve better.
I got another text from D (We are just going to call him D for now) saying that he was working all the time and since I've left he hasn't been able to work and he has been staying at home all day long doing nothing and that he understands now how I felt being at home all day long taking care of a baby with no help and never seeing him .. and that I "cracked" and that's why I left. Seriously? Is this what he's trying to convince himself? Because I think the reason I left is pretty clear.... like the fact he became violent and attacked me, grabbed my wrists and threw me on the floor, , threw me into a chair, spit in my face, and pulled my hair all in front of our 3 month old baby (who was screaming)... all because he didn't want to eat what I made for dinner and I for once, stood up for myself, and told him he had something stuck in his @$$! Because seriously, he did. Stop complaining about what you have for dinner and be thankful we have food to eat. Stop comparing me to your mom and her cooking. I AM NOT YOUR MOM. Just because HE had a stressful day at work does NOT make me his punching bag. And for once, I said what was on my mind. Why should I have to sit there and take it? Day after day... it wears you out until the point where you just DON'T care anymore and somewhere deep down I found the courage to stick up for myself and this is what happened. It wasn't the first time, but it was certainly the LAST time.
He is just clueless if he seriously thinks I left because he worked too much and never spent time with us. Yes this problem existed in our relationship but I tried to be patient. But did I leave because of that? No. I left because he was a manipulative, controlling, angry person on the inside who was becoming more and more violent and I had to get out before I have to see him treat my child like that some day! We deserve better.
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