I HAVE to get my stregth back and get on with it soon or I'm gonna loose it!
I am two weeks post surgery and still unemployed. My job let me go as soon as they found out I needed 8 weeks to recover from surgery. I still get no child support from the sperm donor I wasted 20 years of my life being mrried to and taking care of. I just got foreclosure papers in the mail! My live in boyfriend is fighting addiction and the brilliant doctors just put him on Xanex. Give a drug addict more drugs to abuse, smart!! My ex finacee' is addicted to the same stupid drug! My ex husband is a alcoholic. I don't abuse anything or anyone. I have worked hard all of my life. I have taken care of everyone God has put in my life. I am an amazing Mom and two great kids to show for my efforts. I am 49 years old now and I feel like I am circling the drain. I thought by this part of my life it would get a little easier. What did I do so wrong? Why does God need to continue to teach me leasons and make me struggle?
I have to heal and get my strength back before I can even get a job. I lay in a hospital bed in my soon to be lost home hour after hour. I do all I can to stay positive. I have posted my resume' and have actually got two possibilities of employment already but I can not report for work for another 6 weeks or so. Money is running out. May be in the dark soon. My live in gets food stamps so we can eat and has two young boys that get free brekfast, lunch and insurance. He has looked for work but all offers only pay $8.00 per hour and he would loose all of the benifits and would need child care so it makes no sense to take the jobs. This whole system makes it impossible to win unless you can make big bucks. He has taken good care of me. He cooks, cleans and tries to keep my spirits up but I am so down on myself I can't accept love. I just look at him like he is trying to get his "meal ticket" back on the job!! I am inconsolable at times. I'm not sure if it is me or him.
I trust God will help me to get back on my feet. I know I have to decide if I move forward alone with just my kids or as a family with Jerry and his two boys as well. I am famous for making the wrong decision. I change my mind daily as to what is best for me and us. I pray and ask God to make it clear. I just hope I don't miss His signs or look past them.
I am confused about if I love Jerry and the boys or I just hate being alone. I had actually had gotten to be comfortable on my own before we met. I know I have love for him and I believe he loves me and he is very clear in that he wants to stay together. I am just so weak and so confused and lost, I don't know what to do!
I just want peace and security in my life. I pray God will show me the way to get it.
I have to heal and get my strength back before I can even get a job. I lay in a hospital bed in my soon to be lost home hour after hour. I do all I can to stay positive. I have posted my resume' and have actually got two possibilities of employment already but I can not report for work for another 6 weeks or so. Money is running out. May be in the dark soon. My live in gets food stamps so we can eat and has two young boys that get free brekfast, lunch and insurance. He has looked for work but all offers only pay $8.00 per hour and he would loose all of the benifits and would need child care so it makes no sense to take the jobs. This whole system makes it impossible to win unless you can make big bucks. He has taken good care of me. He cooks, cleans and tries to keep my spirits up but I am so down on myself I can't accept love. I just look at him like he is trying to get his "meal ticket" back on the job!! I am inconsolable at times. I'm not sure if it is me or him.
I trust God will help me to get back on my feet. I know I have to decide if I move forward alone with just my kids or as a family with Jerry and his two boys as well. I am famous for making the wrong decision. I change my mind daily as to what is best for me and us. I pray and ask God to make it clear. I just hope I don't miss His signs or look past them.
I am confused about if I love Jerry and the boys or I just hate being alone. I had actually had gotten to be comfortable on my own before we met. I know I have love for him and I believe he loves me and he is very clear in that he wants to stay together. I am just so weak and so confused and lost, I don't know what to do!
I just want peace and security in my life. I pray God will show me the way to get it.
Replies